Gay Partners Ted and Drew Brave The Great American Christmas

AE: How did you feel going into this?
Drew: On the plane, I did feel apprehensive. I was hoping that everything would go well and that it would not just be a big Jerry Springer moment. I was mainly concerned for Ted and his family — I wanted them to have a nice Christmas. And that it would work out well.

AE: Many gay men will relate to the difficult, often painful familial issues brought up by your televised family Christmas. You all bare your souls on national television. What are your thoughts on what you have accomplished by being part in this film?
Drew: From my participation in the movie, I hope it shows that gays and lesbians are just like everyone else. We celebrate the holidays just like everyone else. One can be Christian and be gay.

Ted: Maybe this is God’s calling to our family to share not just our private pain, but also our private love for each other. The whole thing about our Christmas with Drew is that it really was a miracle. It is believing in God and believing that good can come during the holidays. And that’s exactly what happened. I can’t imagine it having happened any better.

To be really candid, I wish that I had a family that was really proud of me and who is not embarrassed or ashamed of me — who would stand with me living this out, proud life. And I found out last Christmas that that is what I have. I realize now that maybe I didn’t have to push them to do this. Maybe I just had to realize it. A lot of times we think we don’t have what we really already have. It’s like money — one always thinks one doesn’t have enough. Well, maybe one does have enough.

AE: Your family Christmas in the film does seem like a miracle. There are moments when it seems like the situation might go in any kind of direction — good or bad — it feels unpredictable.
Ted: And that’s exactly how it happened. While we were on the airplane, my brother still was not going to participate in this. He had warned us he wasn’t going to do it.

AE: Do you feel that you and Drew, as well as your whole family, were portrayed accurately in the film?
Ted: They [the producers] gave us the space to be ourselves. Even though the cameras were there, I was more focused on the fact that my stepdad was actually meeting Drew! They did a really good job of making us feel like it was nothing other than our regular lives.

AE: There were few family relatives or hometown friends present at your Christmas gathering. Were there some who would not show up because you are gay?
Ted: The fact that my mom and my stepdad even showed up at the airport to pick us up made me very proud of them. The only person who didn’t show up because of my gayness was my real father.

AE: Can you elaborate on your real father’s refusal to participate in the film?
Ted: I think my dad is really proud of me. I think this is one issue he wishes he could change. It’s his own private battle on how he’s dealing with this. My dad not showing up does not mean he does not love me or is not proud of me. That’s why I made an effort to show my support for him and to try not to show him as being “wrong.” Love has to go both ways. Making my dad “wrong” for having trouble accepting something that took me years to accept myself does not make sense — and it is not very loving.

AE: Did he also stay away because he would have felt uncomfortable in front of film cameras?
Ted: Yes, I do think he stayed away because he knew it was going to be on television. We may never know why he didn’t show up. The thing is, he doesn’t support my gay lifestyle. I actually used to assume that he did, but this really helped me to see that he doesn’t. But I had never called him on it. They thought I was just going to come home by myself. And I guess I believed what I wanted to believe just so I could enjoy my Christmas.

AE: What have you learned from this experience?
Ted: About halfway through I thought to myself that I wouldn’t do this again — that I wouldn’t put my family on a national television show. The fact is that Drew and I are in love, and that if America could see this, maybe there will be more hope for other [gay] kids out there — so they too could enjoy Christmas.