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Let's Talk About Sex
But it is only recently that gay couples' relationships and sexual problems have been explored as matter-of-factly as straight couples' issues. A recent episode of Showtime's Sexual Healing, which features advice from noted sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman, showed us just how far representations of gay sexuality have come. Each week, Sexual Healing focuses on a trio of couples as they spend a week with Dr. Berman, working through their intimacy issues by means of various exercises and therapy sessions. Last Friday's episode included a gay couple going through a rough patch. Jeremy and Robert are two average guys from Portland, Ore. There is nothing exceptional about their relationship other than, perhaps, the fact they are gay. This appears to be the not-so-hidden theme for the whole series: Gay or straight, all couples have the same issues. When asked about the main differences between gay couples and straight couples in therapy, Dr. Berman says they're remarkably similar, the only true difference being “the social experience of the coming-out process” and how it might come into play. Men, for the most part, are raised to feel entitled to the sexual response. “Gay men struggle with that,” Dr. Berman explains. “[In] adolescence, when who you're attracted to is considered not OK,” it causes confusion and anger that can surface later. Jeremy's angst becomes quickly apparent in his sessions with Dr. Berman. When he was younger, he tolerated an abusive father, right-wing religious intolerance and a discharge from the military for being gay. In his mind, “the country virtually turned its back on him,” says the doctor. His anger from these incidents has understandably affected, negatively, his relationship with Robert. On some level, Dr. Berman says, “[Gay men] speak the same language.” Whereas straight couples need to decipher the opposite sex's “language of love,” gay men are basically speaking the same tongue. Gay men don't view sex any differently than straight men. Men in general, gay or straight, tend to differentiate between love and sex much more easily than women. Men of both orientations see sex as the primary way to show intimacy. The doctor explains that if there are two men together, things naturally will become even more sexualized. Men are just wired that way. But double the pleasure doesn't always mean double the fun. Men place an enormous amount of importance on sexual function, and two guys in a relationship means twice the performance anxiety. Despite Dr. Berman's help, Jeremy and Robert separate after the week of therapy. |
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