America's Next Top Model 8.8 - "If I Could Only Take A Photo"

Much to my delight, there was a new episode of America's Next Top Model this week. It wasn't as drama-packed as last week's pool tossing, smack-down laden affair, but hey, I'll take what I can get. We do get crying moms, bad acting, and a really strange photo shoot, though.

The episode starts off with Whitney saying she didn't expect to be in the bottom two. Really? Cuz I saw that coming miles away. She promises to go into this week's challenge full-throttle. Uh huh. I've heard that before. I'll believe it when I see it.

Renee says she never meant to offend the other girls. Liar. You don't say things like, "I can't wait to have a stimulating conversation," unless you're trying to offend. At any rate, now that she was called out in front of Tyra, she realizes she has to change if she wants a chance of winning. She doesn't come out and say that, but you just know it's what she's thinking. I see right through you, Renee!

Jaslene is buying it, though. She says Renee has changed since the talk with Tyra. Dionne still doesn't trust her, though. That's my girl, Dionne. Keep your guard up. Renee writes Jael a letter apologizing for the way she's treated the other girls. I guess since Jael said she was speaking for all the girls in the house last week, Renee thinks one blanket apology to their representative will do the trick. Jael swallows it hook, line, and sinker.

Someone arrives to take out Brittany 's ratty weave. Finally! After he pries it from her skull, he tosses it in the middle of the table. Ew! I swear I think it moved after it landed.

Tyra Mail! Whatever you do, don't be yourself." Advice to Renee? No, it's the annual acting challenge. Brace yourself for some bad acting, y'all!

Whitney is excited because she says she excels at acting. She's ready to show the girls that she's a threat. I'm sure they're all shaking in their stilettos.

There's a brief montage to remind us that this cycle should have been called America's Next Top Mommy. We see pictures of everybody's baby and hear about how much they miss them. I'm so bored with this subplot. If you miss your baby so much, don't go on a reality show for months at a time.

The girls gather in the lobby of a theater somewhere in LA. It reminds Dionne of Showtime at the Apollo. Now that she mentions it... Anyway, they are met by Tia Mowry of Sister, Sister fame. She's going to be their acting coach? I get the whole CW synergy thing (Tia now stars on a CW sitcom called The Game), but I don't remember Sister, Sister as being a bastion of good acting. Why not just get Keanu to give them acting pointers? At least then I'd have something to look at.

Whatever. She has them put on silly hats and then they have to embody the character of the hat. For instance, Natasha gets a witch's hat and has to act like a witch. Shouldn't that have been Renee's hat? At any rate, it's not exactly rocket science. It's less acting than Who's Line Is It Anyway?

After the hat game, Tia gives the girls scripts and tells them they have two hours to memorize it. The girls scatter to practice. Some show more promise than others. They will have to portray three different personalities: the sensitive, melodramatic model, the diva model, and the perky, bubble-icious model.

They file into the theater where they meet the judge for the acting challenge, Efren Ramirez. Yeah, I didn't know his name either. You may know him better as Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. Since I've spent the last several years avoiding that movie at all costs, I still didn't know who he was. Whitney is excited to see him, at least.

The girls take turns overacting, but I have to admit it's not as bad as past years. There were no grossly mispronounced words, not even by Natasha, who has a shaky grasp of the English language on her best days. Speaking of Natasha, she does overact pretty badly, even by CW standards. Jaslene forgets her lines, and Dionne inexplicably takes on a Jamaican accent, even though she assures us that she doesn't speak Jamaican at all!

Pedro picks Renee as the challenge winner, and she picks Dionne to share the prize — much to Dionne's shock and amazement. The prize? Two pink t-shirts emblazoned with slogans. For Renee: "I voted for Dionne." And for Dionne: "I voted for Renee." I didn't get it at the time, but it just occurred to me as I was typing that this was supposed to be a play on the "Vote for Pedro" thing from the movie I've never seen. Haha, show! You're so funny.

The girls try to act appreciative of their t-shirts, but Dionne admits in an interview that she was not happy with her prize. Don't worry, Dionne! It's not your real prize. That arrives the next day in the form of your families. For Renee, it's her deadbeat husband and much talked about baby. For Dionne, it's her mom, sister, and daughter.

Dionne's first thought? "What the f**k happened to my baby's hair?" Apparently, her oldest sister only has boys and doesn't know how to take care of a little girl's hair. We also learn that Dionne's mother is in a wheelchair because she was shot by a jealous friend just before her wedding. Wow! Dionne's life is like a soap opera, for real, for real. Then we see Dionne redo her daughter's hair. We spend much more time with Dionne and her family because they are more interesting and likeable than Renee and hers. That's my theory anyway.

Dionne and Renee are both ecstatic to see their families. Not so happy? Poor Natasha. Seeing the other girls with their children just reminds her even more how much she misses her own baby. She calls her husband and sobs on the phone. It's really heartbreaking.

Tyra Mail! "Are you ready to be spooked by the ghosts of the past?"