Top Chef Recap: Who Needs Back-Stabbing Competitors?

Every week, the opening credits of this show reveal more mysteries. Like why is Brian wearing an argyle sweater in Miami? And why is Camille the only one without a chef jacket, like some kind of “Paul Is Dead” clue about her fate?

Speaking of Camille “We Hardly Knew Ye, and By Hardly I Mean I Have Bathroom Fungus I’m Better Acquainted With” Becerra, the Previouslies remind us that last week the reclusive deaf-mute was sent packing to that great kitchen in the sky where true Judgment awaits us all.

I’m now sorry about anything mean I’ve said about Camille, because in a post-exit interview in New York magazine she publicly declared she wants Dale to win. This is unheard of in reality TV, where the only thing you’re supposed to say after you’ve been kicked off is, “It was the editing.” As in: “If I came across decently, it’s because of my innate awesomeness, but if I looked like a psychopathic oaf with no talent, brains, or human decency, it was the editing.”

Camille said she found Dale, “very sweet.” What gets me about this is that we never had any chance to see them interact, so who knew they felt so Will & Gracey about each other? It makes me wonder what other little liaisons we’re not privy to. How much would I love to see Brian and Dale settling back in the hot tub, trading recipes and talking about 300?

Actually, the one who seems to have the most gal pal potential for Dale is Sara M., a.k.a. Jamaican Sara. Casey seems like she's probably already fallen tragically in love with some gay guy and now holds all gay men responsible, and Lia seems like if you were to so much as snap at her she’d burst into tears and go hide under the bed.

But Sara M. has a real rapport with Dale, and she’s kind of an appealing mess – her hair is always a bit mussed, her clothes a bit wrinkled, and even her dishes look like they’ve drunkenly stumbled their way onto the plates. I bet she’d be a lot of fun, like if you got a few drinks in her she’d start doing wicked, dead-on imitations of the other contestants.

At this point, I’ve decided I want Sara and Dale to be the final two so they can share the trip to the Alps and spend the whole time in a spa getting facials and remembering how much they hated Howie. Brian can visit.

Anyway, friendship is very much the theme of this episode right from the beginning. Lia says that spending 24 hours a day together means people get close quickly. What she really means, I think, is that they’ve now all made each other their bitches, because just like in prison, forced confinement has made for some pretty strange bedfellows. For example, we next see Dale and Joey all chummy, sharing a cig on the terrace and mumbling something about “Fuego, Big Daddy.”