Follow Along as "Gary and Tony Have a Baby"

Gary Spino and Tony Brown

When I first heard that Gary Spino and Tony Brown, the subjects of the CNN documentary Gary and Tony Have a Baby, were gay activists, I worried that their desire to be parents would be overshadowed by their activism and make it that much more difficult for this very worthwhile program to reach the people who most need to see it. 

Fortunately, that fear is unfounded. While the special, hosted by CNN anchor and special correspondent Soledad O'Brien, doesn't shy away from the men's activism, it is their burning to desire to be parents, as well as their committed relationship to each other, that is the focus of the program.

And that's what I think especially works about their story, and what has the best chance of actually reaching those viewers who still aren't sure of their feelings about equality for gays and lesbians. (As for for former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee and his ilk, I doubt there is much that could change their small minds.)

Why is having a child so important to these two men? At one point, Gary talks about growing up in an Italian household and how the importance of family was continually stressed. Later on Gary says, "We've been taught since we were born, 'Grow up, get married, have a kid.' It's really unfair to then say, 'Except for you.'"

Gary and Tony follow the two men for almost the entire surrogacy process, from their deciding to become dads — a decision prompted by Tony's having donated sperm to a lesbian couple and their subsequent relationship with the resulting child — to first finding an egg donor, then a surrogate, then the nerve-wracking wait to see if the pregnancy goes full term. 

While the show doesn't address certain issues — specifically the question of the morality of spending up to $160,000 to have a biological child of one's own while untold numbers of children languish in orphanages — the show doesn't hesitate to look at the discrimination gay couples face, especially in more rural areas.

Not only does Gary and Tony's surrogate wish to remain anonymous for fear of the prejudice she and her family might face from her rural Southern neighbors, but Tony's mom also discusses the prejudice of her small town neighbors, while Tony's sisters say they are glad the couple live in New York where they are safer.

Indeed, part of the documentary focuses on the difficult childhood both men faced growing up in their small towns. One particularly painful episode is recounted where a Catholic priest, who actually knows Gary and Tony, nonetheless denounced same-sex marriage even though the couple was church that day. 

So do Gary and Tony end up with a baby? CNN has asked us not to reveal that outcome, but either way, this is an important story to be told. 

Watching Gary and Tony hold hands, kiss, plan for their future child, have a baby shower, and generally act like any other expectant couple, made me think how much things have changed since the 1967 CBS special The Homosexuals, where the only gay man daring to show his face was Gore Vidal. Everyone else insisted on hiding their identities.

We've come a long way, baby.

In America: Gary and Tony Have a Baby airs tonight on CNN at 8:00 PM EDT.