The AfterElton.com Gay Guide to the Winter Olympics!

Question: what's gay about the Winter Olympics?

Answer: traditionally, not that much, which is ironic, because the ancient Greek Olympics, upon which the whole thing is based, were pretty damn gay. Naked male athletes anyone?

Still, there are some signs that things are slowly changing even in the notoriously heterosexual world of Olympic athletics. Here are a few things that might be of particular interest to gay and bisexual male viewers once the 21st Winter Olympics commence this Sunday in Vancouver, Canada:

The Opening Ceremonies

Why is it Gay? Please.

How Gay is it? It's impossible to say, as the performance itself has been a tightly-guarded secret. We do know that it features Vancouver singer Sarah McLachan (founder of the Lilith Fair woman's music festival!), as well as acrobats in harnesses, fiddlers, and tap dancers — and, no doubt, a few surprises.

Johnny Weir

Why is He Gay? Genetics? Prenatal hormones? Who knows, but the three-time U.S. National figure skating champion and reality show star will be representing the States at the 2010 games with all the athleticisim, sparkle and grace he can muster. Weir is currently ranked 8th in the world, so it's an open question whether he can medal.

How Gay is He? Well, he's technically never come out, but then, neither did Paul Lynde, and Weir is wearing high heels in the opening to his TV show, Be Good Johnny. Actually, it would be interesting if Weir did come out as heterosexual, busting up all kinds of stereotypes. But, uh, it ain't gonna happen.

Fake Snow

Why is it Gay? You know how in the play A Streetcar Named Desire Blanche Dubois puts paper lanterns over the harsh bare lightbulbs and says, "I don't want realism. I want magic! Yes, yes, magic. I try to give that to people. I do misrepresent things. I don't tell truths. I tell what ought to be truth."

That is exactly like Vancouver's Whistler Mountain, which has been confronted with unusually high temperatures and sparse snow runs, requiring event organizers to begin trucking massive amounts of snow in from higher elevations hundreds of miles away. Get it? Fake snow = paper lanterns!

How Gay is it? Okay, so I'm reaching, but I love that quote from Blanche Dubois.

Olympic Mascots!

Why is it Gay? The mascots for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, inspired by First Nations mythology, include a Sasquatch who wears earmuffs, a mythical bear that is also part orca, and a guardian animal spirit with wings, which is the mascot for the concurrent Paralympic Games, an event for disabled athletes.

Squeeee! A Sasquatch in earmuffs!!! Isn't that adorable?!

How Gay is it? Okay, so I don't know how gay those mascots are, but I think we've identified that I am off-the-charts gay.

Next Page! Naked hockey? But what about the puck!