Gays of our Lives (March 30, 2009)

AE: Are you aware of how popular your character is outside of Germany? If so, when did you become aware of that and how did it make you feel?
DG: I was not really aware of all the interest out there on the Internet, so it took me by surprise when I finally realized what was happening and that so many people were interested in Deniz and Roman. I really appreciate that so many people have taken Roman into their hearts and other areas that I won’t mention, but have been commented on. I am a very happily married man, as you know! But I am not dead, so keep the positive comments coming! It’s great for my ego, even though it is actually Roman that people are interested in.

AE: Tell me a bit about your coming out. How long have you been out? What made you decide to do so?
DG: It´s so long ago that I really have to think back. It never seemed to be an issue because everybody assumed since I was in elementary school that I was gay. I just don’t know how they all knew. My mother must have been concerned and asked my doctor for advice, who told her not to grow my hair [too] long! Quite bizarre! If he would be still alive today, I should go and tell him that keeping it short didn’t help in the least.

I fell in love with my best mate when I was 15, a story of old. I had my first boyfriend when I was 16, who lived in at the other end of Germany. This experience turned out to be quite traumatizing when he finally dumped me. A story of old as well. I looked my age but obviously had gone past my sell by date.

When I returned home I fell in love with a girl. Who could blame me? But actually somewhere in my little 16-year-old mind, I knew it was not such a good idea and giving her false hope would only hurt her in the end. So I broke up the relationship as I didn’t want to do to her what had been done to me.

Fortunately, my next boyfriend forced me to think about my sexuality in a more grown up way. He only lived a few streets away and was round at my house often, which [led] my mother to finally come out and ask me directly, “Are you a homosexual?” I liked the way it was before, me opting out with nice little answers of “I fall in love with people”, etc. However, mum deserved more than this, and I did, too.

Looking back, it feels like I made a political decision the night I told her that I was gay. And to this day, I still feel very strongly about this. I often hear people say that it is OK not to come out, that it is one’s own choice. But where would we be today if everyone took this attitude?

We will only ever have the political strength that is needed to make change happen if we can be counted and stand together. I also wonder how not coming out functions? What if for example someone asks you what you did last night? Do you lie and say that you watched TV alone when actually you were in bed cuddling your boyfriend?

This can’t be good for one’s own sense of worth. I know if I was lying about my sexuality all the time, I wouldn’t like myself very much. However, at the end of the day, it’s up to the individuals to decide this for themselves. I don’t believe in outing people.

After Roman and Deniz split, Deniz became a call boy …
and is now a figure skater, like his ex.