“Game of Thrones” Recap 101: Talk About Your Casts of Thousands!

Sean "Boromir" Bean as Ned Stark

You know what pisses me off about the Internet? No matter how much of a fan you are of something, there’s always some idiot out there online who has literally spent the last five years documenting every single aspect of whatever it is you thought you were fanatical about.

You can't help but feel a little, um, inadequate. It's like how as a kid I used to think I wanted to swim in the Olympics, and then I was told you basically have start at age three, swimming fifteen hours a day.

The same sort of obsessiveness applies to many fans of George R.R. Martin’s great fantasy novel series A Song of Fire and Ice, the TV series version of which debuted tonight on HBO as A Game of Thrones.

I love the books – well, at least the first three; I thought the last one was borderline-unreadable – and I’ve been following the development of this series for years and was really looking forward to it.

But I’ve also become increasingly aware of the fanatical devotion to this author and his books – so fanatical that there’s now a huge counter-fandom that has sprung up in response to the fact that it’s taken him so long to write the next book in the series.

Seriously: they're totally pissed off because this author isn't writing books fast enough. They're not upset about climate change or corporate control of the Internet or the proposed repeal of Medicare – but the fact that an author has missed his deadline has them cranking out screeds and even whole websites. (There's an article on this in the latest issue of The New Yorker. It's not available online, but read it: it's fascinating!).

Anyway, this makes me think, “Jesus Christ, if that’s what being a fan is, I’m not a fan anything – and I don’t want to be!”

I'm also glad I never tried to swim in the Olympics. (But can I just say? One of my swimming buddies did go on to qualify for a relay in the Olympics, and I totally used to beat him!)

Anyway, it turns out my lack of true devotion to anything may actually be a good thing in the case of the new HBO series. I’ve already seen the first six episodes (out of ten), and as I said in my review: the first episode is the weakest, and overall the show is pretty good (if not yet great).

As a result, I’m entertained, not suicidal, and I don’t have to worry about my head exploding because they cast a character differently than how I imagined him or her in the books.

Lena Headey sucked in Sarah Connor Chronicles, but she's amazing here as Cersei

If you’ve read the books, you know the series opens exactly where the books do: in a terrifying encounter above the massive ancient wall that was built centuries ago to keep out on ancient evil.

They’re baaaaack!

But already I’m thinking: is this going to make any sense to people who haven’t read the books? Wha– ? A wall? And how are these Others different from the Wildings?

If you haven’t read the books, here’s another thing you should know: I’m four massive tomes into the series, and we still have no idea what’s going on with the Others.

I’m just saying: don’t expect a lot of answers this first season.

Next Page! The Darren Criss look-a-like gets shirtless!