“Game of Thrones” Recap 102: Would it Have Killed Them to Throw in a Giant Spider?

Okay, I’m opening this week’s recap by also opening a can of worms: namely, the Game of Thrones opening title sequence.

I don’t think I like it.

On one hand, I like the idea of it – the notion that the plot maneuverings on the show are really all just one big “game,” a game of thrones. I also think it does a decent job of showing how the series is set over a whole continent, with the Wall up north, and King’s Landing down south, Winterfell in the middle, and the Dothraki grassland across the water.

I’m just not seeing why the castles are all mechanized, with these whirling pieces growing up out of the ground. How is a castle like an old-fashioned watch? Is this a reference to the delicate underpinnings of the politics? Or are the maneuverings on the “game” of politics supposed to be like children’s toys?

It all feels like a mixed metaphor, and it vaguely bugs me (and yes, I am just that picky). Frankly, I think they just wanted it to look cool, which it kinda sorta does.

Onto the episode itself…

In a couple of introductory scenes, we see that Daenerys is adapting to the Dothraki way of life – while her arrogant brother Viserys definitely is not. Methinks this, along with his lack of sunblock, is not going to serve him well over the long-term.

We’re also reminded what a sniveling coward Joffrey is, and what a deep player Tyrion is (“The prince will remember” that you slapped him, Tyrion is told. “I hope so,” Tyrion replies. See? It’s all part of his grand plan!)

Then we’re back to Winterfell where it seems that everyone is leaving – Jon Snow to serve as a member of the Night Watch up at the Wall, and Ned Stark to King’s Landing to serve as Hand to the King.

But first, we have to say our goodbyes. Lots and lots of goodbyes.

No, seriously: Jon says goodbye to Arya (giving her a sword that will prove to be instrumental), Jon says goodbye to Bran (and Cat too, who doesn’t like him at all, since he’s the product of Ned’s affair). Then Ned says goodbye to Cat. Then Jon says goodbye Jamie, and then later to his brother. And then finally Ned and Jon say goodbye to each other.

Would everyone get going already! Jesus, there are fewer goodbyes on a college campus during freshman orientation.

Finally, Ned and King Robert are on the road to King’s Landing, and they discuss the threat of the Dothraki horde, which is now partially under the command of Daenerys, who they've learned has married and is now queen to Khal Drogo (meanwhile Jorah Mormont, Daenerys' hot Australian-looking confidante, is a double agent, it seems). Not to worry, Ned says, they’re all on the other side of something called the Narrow Sea.

Personally, if I were King Robert, I’d feel better if they were on the other side of something called the Wide Sea.

Speaking of Daenerys, she’s only owned those dragon eggs for a few weeks now, and she’s already considering using them as “marital aids.” Did you catch that? On the plus side, they are ribbed for her (and his!) pleasure.

A new trend in marital aids, ribbed for her (and his!) pleasure!

Next Page! Hey, this is a good excuse for a lesbian sex scene!