"America's Next Top Model: All-Stars" Recap: If Your Photo is "Bad" then "Beat It"

Another Wednesday night is here and my booty is firmly tooched on the couch for America's Next Top Model. The three of us (I'm assuming there's still three of us) have made it all the way to the Kardashian guest star appearance. Yay for us.

When we last were with the girls, Angelea won the challenge and now she is feeling supa dupa fly and in her solo interview she says the other girls better be scared because they underestimated her. She's ready to take over now.

Bre thought she'd be doing better since she's been working as a model professionally for the last six years but she's not doing as well as she'd like.

Lisa says we better hold on tight because she's about to unleash the crazy beast from inside. I can't wait because I am bored as hell.

Kayla and Bianca talk about how they didn't think Angelea's photo was the best and Bianca is feeling very frustrated that she's not taking this entire thing without any competition. What she needs to think about is that this is a reality TV show and if one person won every single time, there would be no drama and there would be no show. Get with the program and make some noise, honey.

At some point, the girls are each allowed time to use the phone for 20 minutes so Shannon comes up with a system that basically places people in order to get their chats on. Bianca thinks that the way she's doing it is wrong and won't allow everyone to get their time in. I really don't understand it because no matter how much time anyone would get, a numbered system would work. Shannon's feelings are hurt so her eyes glass over with tears and she basically tells Bianca to go ahead and take her minutes if she really thinks she didn't do it correctly.

Kayla breaks it down for those of us at home and says Shannon is just being sensitive and overreacting because she is intimidated by Bianca. To her point, it didn't seem like Bianca was raising a big stink about the phone calls, she just questioned it. This is where Shannon cries and I would be like, "Bitch, please." So, Bianca just tells the cameras, "Oh great. We've got the Christian girl crying and I'm just sitting here saying, 'It wasn't me.'"

Shannon keeps crying and saying she's a"sensitive spirit" and doesn't like confrontation. Bianca keeps saying she can't have Shannon crying because she's already seen as the evil person on TV. Lisa jumps in, and I feel like everyone is on their period in that house. I also missed some of whatever the hell they're arguing about because it doesn't make sense.

There is a lot of yelling and Allison and Laura just roll their eyes and get the hell out of crazy town and I need to put this on mute because I'm getting a headache. 

The next morning, the girls are ready to get the hell out of the house and into the fresh air. Miss J. meets them at the Santa Monica pier and is wearing the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen. As Bre says, "I feel like he was missing some panties and a lot of other things."

The girls are going to be doing a whole show on a carousel ride and they'll be modeling the Kardashian Kollection, which everyone thinks is so exciting and so great and impressive. The winner gets to take some of the clothes home with them. What the winner (and the losers) should do is go home and make a sex tape with another D-List celebrity so that they can show up as guest stars with their own fashion lines. That reminds me, I need to work on my reel.

Come show time, Lisa does a great job, Allison almost falls off, Angelea has some issues getting off of the carousel and gets a little too 716 in the house. Miss J. says Angelea reminds him of someone's alcoholic aunt.

Bre killed it. She looked super fierce and did a little twirl to get off of the moving parts seamlessly. Alexandria gives me a bit of a gay vibe, anyone else?

Bianca did pretty much nothing and got to the end of the catwalk with dead eyes.

In the end, it was Bre and Lisa tying for first prize. Miss Jay ends up calling Bianca out in front of everyone and Bianca breaks down into tears saying she's taking crap from "The Christian," from "The Crazy Head" and she works harder than anyone else there. She is out of her GD mind thinking she's working harder than everyone there.

At home, Bianca just can't keep it together and is thinking about backing out. Bre overhears the other girls talking in the kitchen about how Bianca should just leave if she is going to keep going off and being irrational, so she runs and tells her BFF who tries to pump her up into staying longer and showing these bitches that she doesn't run. Again, this entire thing has got to be a big hormonal nightmare because I don't get what they're fighting about.