"Brothers & Sisters" Episode 301 Recap: “Glass Houses”

Cut to Kitty and Sarah having lunch. Sarah is bitching about how horrible it is working for Holly, then moves into whining about how her children have “morphed into these little monsters.” I’d say it’s not so much a case of morphing as Sarah finally noticing how obnoxious those two have been all along. I mean, I’ve always thought Paige was a mere projectile vomit away from requiring her own exorcist.

Kitty makes a snarky remark about “so much for unconditional love.” Sarah stares at her in confusion, so Kitty has to remind her it was in the letter she’d allegedly written. Kitty starts saying something about how it didn’t sound like Sarah, so Sarah launches into another tirade about Holly to throw her off the track.

Speak of the devils … we cut to Paige and Cooper playing cards with Rebecca, who appears to be charged with minding them while Sarah’s out scarfing down sushi and complaining about how tough it is to be their mother. Rebecca’s finding, as many have before her, that if you’re not actually a Walker by blood but want to be part of the family, then you’re pretty much expected to be their indentured servant. Just ask Scotty.

The kids start fighting and calling each other “loser” and saying “crap.” How precious. I’m no expert, but I wonder if some of this bad behavior can’t be tied to the fact that they appear to be drinking a can of Tab in this scene. Justin finally comes in to offer assistance before Rebecca is eaten alive by the two no-necked monsters, getting them to go upstairs and do their homework.

Justin’s actual motivation here isn’t so much concern about his niece and nephew’s educations but buying time for him to fondle and suck face with his former-sister. They come up for air, and he broaches the subject of coming out to his family about their relationship. But she wants to keep it to themselves until they’ve figured out what’s between them.

They go back to making out, just as the demon children come down the stairs and see how close Uncle Justin and Auntie Becca have grown. Busted!

Cut to the famed Laguna Beach beach house. Which has all the warmth and charm of a V.D. clinic. It looks like one of those slick, ultra-modern glass houses you always see in horror movies where happy couples are terrorized by some seemingly nice neighbor or family member who turns out to be a bloodthirsty psychopath. Is Holly invited for the weekend?

Scotty is on a cellphone and fixing drinks. From the looks of it, desperation at the thought of Kevin’s family descending without the benefit of alcohol has led him to reach for the closest available source and start pouring cough syrup into martini glasses.

Oh, and Scotty? That phone call you’re on? It’s coming from inside the house!!! Dun dun duhhhhn.

It’s actually just Kevin, who we see has been talking to Scotty on the phone while exploring the house. As he comes down the stairs, he announces he took time out to pee in “bathroom number five,” although he’s planning on peeing in all eight by weekend’s end. So Scotty better get to work on brewing those cappucinos and steaming that asparagus.

Kevin joins Scotty at the bar and they toast (not cough syrup after all but pomegranate martinis — guess it pays to have a chef for a husband), although Kevin, concerned about stains, doesn’t want anyone drinking anything but clear liquids. He enlists Scotty’s help in removing anything breakable, lifting up a hideous crystal “fish.”

Scotty: That ‘fish’ is a whale, and it costs more than your car.
Kevin: Now I hate my car.

Kevin puts the whale up on a high shelf, where I’m sure it will be just fine. TV shows and movies are always introducing highly fragile objets d’art for absolutely no reason at all, right?