Last week on B&S: “I don’t believe you.” “Yes you do.” Ha!

Now, onto this week’s episode. We open on … what exactly is going on here? There’s a couch, and some kind of movement on top of it, and it’s — AHHH, MY EYES!!!! It’s Justin and Rebecca rolling around in the midst of a heavy duty makeout session. Ewwwwww.

Gawd, ABC! You need to prepare us a little before you thrust our faces in the grotesque particulars of the heterosexual lifestyle. Like maybe the episode could have started with Justin saying, “Is it OK for me to kiss you now?” or “Did you remember to shave down there the way I like it?” before launching in on this disgusting suck-face-a-thon.

Justin seems curiously detached from all the foreplay, given he’s practically watching TV over her shoulder. I would have thought they were paving the way for him to wind up gay — I mean, they’re already repeating the infertility storyline with a second sibling, so why not do a repeat of the gay son bit too? — except the movie he’s watching, with trucks and explosions and macho garbage like that, is something no self-respecting gay man would be so keenly following. If it had been a movie on Lifetime, then we’d be talking.

The phone is ringing and ringing, but Rebecca is so determined to get her rocks off that she’s reluctant to answer it, even though Justin seems fairly hopeful she will. She says it’s just her mother calling again, and she doesn’t feel like forgiving her yet again only to have her return the favor by being a beyotch in some new way.

Then Rebecca gets all husky and tries to mount Justin, and he panics and flees the room, saying he has an early morning meeting, which is as good as saying, “The thought of sex with you revolts me.” Maybe she didn’t shave?

Cut to Sarah, on the phone trying to calm down an even-more-perplexed-than-usual Justin. For the record, Sarah looks as frightful as she did last week. She’s wearing an old-lady cardigan, and shlepping around a laundry basket, and her hair looks like it hasn’t seen a brush in weeks. Also for the record, I officially hate what’s happening to her character so far this season. I don’t want to see Sarah as a basket case. I want to see Sarah wearing gorgeously tailored suits as she takes on the board of Ojai saying, “Don’t f*ck with me boys.”

Sarah is surprised to hear that Justin hasn’t had sex yet with his former-sort-of-sister. He says it’s weird for him too, given that sex is usually his “thing.” Hey, I thought drugs were usually his thing. Now all he needs to do is add rock and roll as his third thing and he can win the trifecta of straight doofus clichés.

Sarah says she thinks he should talk about this sex stuff with one of his brothers. But Justin isn’t interested in talking to Tommy, and I’m totally with him on that one, because I wouldn’t want to talk to Tommy about anything ever. Unless it involved surprise stock dividends or free wine.

When it comes to asking Kevin for sex advice, Justin makes this snarky face like it’s a ridiculous idea, and I’m baffled by this reaction. What, does he think Kevin’s going to tell him to put on a dress and sing show tunes? Kevin, by far, has had the most interesting and successful sex life on this show. You don’t bag a Scotty and a Jason and a Reverend McMuscley without knowing a thing or two about how to make somebody happy in bed. I’d be much more wary of asking Kitty for sex advice, since I’d think it would pretty much amount to “lie back and think about filibusters.”