"Brothers & Sisters" Episode 306 Recap: “Bakersfield”

Cut to Sarah making muffins with Cooper while Paige does some crappy art project. Sarah says the kids have to get ready for school so she can get to a job interview, and Paige darkly questions, “You’re going back to work?” and you can just see the bad seed wheels churning.

Some child actresses — the Abigail Breslins and Dakota Fannings of the biz — can’t help but project this ’lil orphan Annie, “look at me, aren’t I adorable?” layer of syrup over their every gesture, even in moments meant to be heavily dramatic. But Paige is the opposite of that, investing even the most minor moments with a Joan Crawford-like intensity that has you convinced she’s seconds away from beating someone to death with her Hannah Montana lunchbox. Which I kind of love about her. The writers should totally figure out a way to have Holly take her under her wing and tutor her in the ways of evil.

Anyway, Paige gets all pouty about how mommy promised to help her on her diorama, and how obnoxious is that? Seriously, what kid needs help on a diaroma, which is the lamest of lame school projects, second only to tracing your hand and making a turkey, that teachers obviously reserve for those weeks where they’re quitting smoking and/or on the verge of total meltdown. Sarah assures her that this new job would be different, since she could make her own hours and work from home. So it’s come to this, and she’s resigned herself to being a phone sex worker.

Kevin and Scotty’s Fab Gay Pad. Except Scotty is nowhere to be found, this being an even-week episode. Instead, we get Rebecca, coming in and complimenting the apartment and picking up the Liza Minnelli pillow …

Kevin: I know, it’s so gay.
Rebecca: I was going to say it’s fantastic.

Actually, it’s neither. Why does everybody assume that something is automatically fab and gay just because Liza’s face is on it? As far as I can tell, this is a drab needlepoint throw pillow that somebody (Nora? Kitty? Agent Skinner?) probably gave them as a serious gift and they keep around for laughs but is actually kind of depressing. If it had been a life-size cardboard cutout of Sally Bowles in full-on “Mein Herr” mode, then we’d be talking.

Anyway, Rebecca’s there to invite Kevin to Justin’s one-year alcohol-and-drug-free shindig as a surprise. He’s reluctant to go because of Tommy, but she convinces him to put aside their differences for just an hour for Justin’s sake.

Rebecca: I know you’re a bigger man than this.
Kevin: I’m actually not. I’m very small and petty.