"Brothers & Sisters" Episode 306 Recap: “Bakersfield”

Cut to Sarah helping Paige with the daunting task of arranging small turtle figurines in an empty shoebox. Paige asks if Mommy got the fabulous, work-from-home job, and Sarah says she’s on the short list. So Paige suggests Mommy trying doing some “extra credit” to impress them, just like she does on school projects. Oh, barf. I hate “wisdom from out of the mouths of babes” plot points, don’t you?

Meanwhile, mid-N.A. meeting, Justin gets up to accept his one-year-anniversary chip (I would so be like, “I gave up drugs and drinking for a year and all I got is this lousy chip?!”) and rushes to make his acceptance speech before the orchestra cuts him off.

In his speech, Justin remembers ruining countless family parties and possibly throwing up on family members — and don’t even ask what he did to the cake at Paige’s “My Pretty Pony” birthday party. Just when he starts thanking them for having forgiven him, in stumble Kevin and Tommy, clearly disheveled and bruised. They mumble apologies while Justin glares at them, then quickly wraps up his speech to polite, underwhelmed applause.

Cut to Sarah knocking on an apartment from which emerges suitably hip tunes. The door is opened by Kyle, and soon a gratifyingly shirt-less Ethan joins him with a towel around his waist. For half a second I thought they might be a couple, and they got slightly more interesting to me as a result. But then it became clear they’re just Judd Apatow-esque hipster slackers living in fratboy-like squalor with each other instead of at home with their mothers. We know this because Ethan carries on about drinking beer in the shower and asks where the pizza is.

Sarah is appalled that this slovenly apartment is actually their office, the one allegedly under renovation. And that they pretty much lied about how far along their company is and how well it’s doing and how much money they’d be able to pay her. She gripes about how she wasted her time working up a proposal to impress them, then throws it in Kyle’s face and tells him to “choke on it” before storming off. I’d think there are probably better ways of expressing her anger toward this guy than handing over all this free business advice he can now just go ahead and use, but it’s crucial she leave the proposal behind for plot reasons so we’ve just got to let it slide.

Out on the open road, Nora demands that Kitty pull the car over. You might assume she needs to use the ladies’ room. Or stretch her legs. Or just get away from Kitty for a minute or two. But it’s actually to take one of those Thelma and Louise breaks. You know, where you pull the car over, stand at the edge of a precipice, and scream out how much you hate men. 

Nora: I HATE YOU WILLIAM WALKER! YOU’RE A SELFISH, SON-OF-A-BITCH! … YOU NEVER LOVED ANYONE BUT YOURSELF AND YOUR STUPID PENIS!!!!

[Editor's note: And you just know that today John McCain is standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon yelling: I HATE YOU BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. THAT JOB WAS MINE! YOU'RE A KNOW-NOTHING WHIPPERSNAPPER AND YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE THE ECONOMY TANKED AND I VOTED WITH GEORGE BUSH 90% OF THE TIME! IT'S NOT FAIR!"]