"Brothers & Sisters" Episode 308 Recap: “Going Once … Going Twice”

On the other hand, if your mother is the awful Mrs. Scotty, I guess a dinner like this does count for something. He admits as much, mentioning that his parents never threw him a “Yay Scotty dinner,” but did once host a “We’re so disappointed brunch.” Obviously he’s exaggerating. His parents would never host anything as gay as brunch. I'm betting they went to Denny's and ordered the 'Grand Slam Breakfast'.

Kevin, quite sweetly, says he’s proud of Scotty, and then they fantasize how with his cushy new salary they can finally afford a place with more space. Argh! As a New Yorker, I take personal affront to anyone on TV complaining about their allegedly tiny apartments. Anyway, they rhapsodize about having a deck, and a jacuzzi, and hardwood floors, and at the mention of “hard wood,” Kevin Jr. starts getting all perky. So Kevin pulls Scotty down to the bed with him, and from the looks of it, Scotty is indeed a top and an up and comer.

Cut to McCallister Ranch. Kitty is up watching one of those Sally Struthers-like late-night infomercials about the poor and unfortunate. Robert comes in and asks what she’s doing up, and she says she’s got insomnia. He figures this has something to do with Trish the Super Birthmom changing her mind and urges her to get some sleep.

Kitty keeps right on watching late-night TV and calling in donations, which is kind of like the charitable version of drunk dialing. Robert leaves her alone, which is definitely not a good idea right now unless he doesn’t mind waking up to discover he’s got a house full of Ronco items and is the proud sponsor of a small African village.

Stately Walker Manor. Justin enters the kitchen to find Uncle Saul hanging out with his mother. Saul says he thought Nora wanted his help prepping for some auction, but she says she’s got it all under control. She’s apparently bidding on a property for her Ronald McDonald House rip-off, and all excited that this is the first time she’s going to do something as ambitious as buy a house.

Justin points out that she also bought Stately Walker Manor, but she argues it was really William’s, since he took care of it without even involving her. As he did most things in their marriage, including getting his rocks off.

Saul abruptly leaves to take care of various chores he mentions. As soon as he’s gone, Justin comments about how sorry he feels for poor, lonely Saul. I’m guessing he doesn’t understand that when Saul said he had to “wait for the airconditioner repairman,” it was clearly code for “Internet hook-up,” and when he said he was then going to “polish the silverware,” it was clearly code for “masturbate.” Nora clearly does get all this, because she tells Justin not to underestimate the invigorating power of freshly polished silverware.

Cut to Sarah on the phone with Kevin, planning the menu for Scotty’s party. The fact that Sarah is personally cooking this dinner for Scotty makes me like her even more. Because you know if it were up to the rest of the family, they would have made Scotty cook the dinner himself.

Robert enters Kevin’s office and asks if it’s a bad sign when your wife stays up all night and refuses to come to bed with you. I’d say it’s just a sign that she’s finally figured out who she’s really married to. But Sarah takes this as a sign of how upset Kitty is about the birthmom incident.

Robert, not having realized Sarah was on speakerphone, is surpised to hear her voice and chastises Kevin on his “speakerphone etiquette.” This leads to a sequence where various Walkers beep in until they’re all pretty much on the same conference call, discussing what to do about Kitty. If Kitty knew this, I’m sure she’d be delighted, since it confirms what she assumes about the world at large, namely that everybody spends their days focusing on her.

They remember some similar period of depression from Kitty’s past that they say followed the “Spandex Debacle.” They never say what exactly this debacle involving Kitty and spandex was, but if I wasn’t already totally gay, the mental image this conjures would certainly put me over the top.

They all remember that at the time, a visit to Ojai with Tommy seemed to cheer Kitty up. Tommy explains that he simply distracted her by making her write his history paper. So they decide the best way to help her this time around is again to distract her, and Sarah suggests that to that end, she can ask Kitty for help with the Greenatopia proposal she just finished. Which if it doesn’t distract her will at least succeed in boring her into a coma.