"Brothers & Sisters" Episode 310 Recap: "Just a Sliver"

Cut to an episode of E.R. already in progress. Turns out, it’s not John Stamos. Booo! It’s some doctor who’s clearly incompetent. I say that because when she explains that Elizabeth might go into liver failure and need a transplant, she assures Tommy and Julia that as the parents one of them must surely be a match. And I can’t believe in this day and age it wouldn’t occur to her that a child might not be the biological offspring of her parents. If I were Tommy, I’d be demanding John Stamos or Trish the Super-Birthmom right around now.

Tommy explains that his brothers were the sperm donors. The Continuity Fairy strikes again! I tell you, there’s Magic Memory Dust sprinkled liberally all over this episode. Just wait until Warren, the heretofore MIA co-host of Red, White, and Blue, shows up in the emergency room with an impacted colon. That’s being impacted with Lena’s left hand.

The doctor suggests they figure out who Elizabeth’s biological father is now, on the off chance her infection doesn’t get better and she needs a transplant, which I’m sure won’t happen because sick people on TV always get better all on their own without needing any sort of dramatic and/or experimental form of surgery, right? The doctor elaborates that the procedure for pediatric transplants is pretty easy; the donor just has to give up a teeny, tiny little slice of liver. Which puts the episode’s title into a totally revolting context, which IMHO is even more reason to love it.

Cut to Scotty and Kevin’s Fab Gay Pad. They’re sweating and grunting, but not in a good way. It’s more in that “out jogging and being healthy while I’m sitting on my couch dipping Ring-Dings into hot chocolate” way.

Scotty, of course, looks like he could jog another half marathon. But at least Kevin looks gratifyingly on the verge of a coronary, so I don’t have to feel totally bad about myself. When Kevin complains about blisters, Scotty reminds him that he wanted to lose five pounds so he could gain them back on Thanksgiving. I’m just not sure how that’s going to help when he gains another 25 by Christmas. And there’s no way he’s maintaining his weight living with a chef.

Kevin’s phone rings and it’s Tommy, but Kevin’s not so keen on answering. Scotty tells him to get over their feud and stop being so childish, so Kevin says, “You stop being so childish,” and I tell them both to stop being so childish or so help me I’m going to turn this car around, just see if I don’t. Kevin goes ahead and answers the phone. And makes the frowny face of One Receiving Unpleasant News.

Cut to Stately Walker Manor. Nora is trying to foist off her frozen turkey on Justin, suggesting he give it to Holly as a gift. Because as we all know, she’s been dying to give Holly the bird. Justin argues back that Holly’s not likely to want her “used” turkey, and Nora reassures him that it’s brand new, without any “cooties.”

Justin: It’s more about the psychological cooties.

Heh. Well then, somebody needs to give Holly the psychological cootie shot and she’ll be fine. I think my five-year-old niece might be free for treatments, right after she’s done with purple nurple innoculations and installing forearm rose gardens.