"Brothers & Sisters" Episode 311 Recap: "A Father Dreams"

Kevin gasps awake, and of course Julia is standing right there. Ha ha ha ha! The person he was having a sex dream about just happens to be the one person who suddenly decided to “check” on how he’s doing at that very moment. And even more hilariously, he was calling out her name in his sleep — something no actual human being ever really does — so she totally knows he was dreaming about her. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Isn’t that hilarious? Just wait until Mrs. Roper gets wind of this.

Scotty comes in, and Kevin jumps up saying he needs a shower immediately and flees the room. Looks like somebody had a little visit from the Nocturnal Emissions Fairy. Julia will be so flattered when she sees the sheet stains.

Meanwhile, back at McCallister’s office, Robert and Kitty are lounging around sharing a metaphorical cigarette and talking about how great the sex was. Not the sex with Kevin and Julia, but the sex they just had themselves in the office. And as far as Kitty’s concerned, it’s not even the actual sex that was so great but what she refers to as the “brain sex” that preceded it. I get what she means, but boy does the term “brain sex” gross me out. It sounds like something Igor would do with Abby Normal behind Doctor Frankenstein’s back.

Robert says he wants to fire Kevin, who apparently was a lousy lay even in the brain sex department, and hire Kitty back. I’m appalled by this, but even more appalled that the objections Kitty comes up with have nothing to do with how terrible this would be to do to her own brother but instead have to do with her upcoming book tour and having a baby. Robert pooh-poohs all her concerns and says they’ll figure things out.

And then we come to my favorite bit in the whole episode. As they exit the office, Robert’s secretary is sitting there staring at the two of them, knowing full well what they were just up to, and she protectively grabs a half-empty water bottle on her desk. That just cracked me up. As any of you who regularly read these recaps know, I have a pretty dirty mind. But even I am hard pressed to come up with an idea of what exactly this secretary thinks Robert and Kitty were doing that would require them to snatch up an empty bottle immediately afterwards.

Cut to Sarah leaving a long, elaborate phone message for Justin. She says she hopes he didn’t freak out about what Coop said about him in class about being a total loser. Then she tries to cheer him up by saying that Miss Mitchell, the Stripper/Teacher, thought Justin was hot, but then admits that she’s a total liar just trying to cheer him up. Actually, the one who thought he was hot was one of Cooper’s classmates. And she didn’t think Justin was hot so much as available to get her into PG-13 movies and buy the occasional six-pack.