Dante's Cove Episode 304 Recap: “Like a Virgin”

Tenacious D — Former witch and time-space busybody, Diana, is having a helluva time adjusting to life as a civilian. Stripped of her magic powers by Griff, the Tresum Council's enforcer, and running a surf shop on an island where nobody surfs because it messes up their hair, Diana's days are filled with moping around the house wearing nothing but a tea-stained caftan, and watching The Witches of Eastwick on the classic movie channel.

Diana goes to see Griff one more time, to implore him to give back her mad magic skillz. Unmoved by her sad tale of woe, Griff tells her to let it go already.

Griff: Diana, it's over. Quit now, or things will only get much, much worse. Trust me.
Diana: Which is precisely why I should be allowed to right these wrongs. I've given my life to Tresum.
Griff: The answer is no.

Tail between her legs, Diana returns home to throw a pizza-for-one in the oven and watch The Craft.

Let's make some magic together — Meanwhile, at the Dante's Cove Oceanography Institute and Tool Shed, Michelle is paying Brit another visit to further seduce her with her come-hither eyebrows (good) and ghastly cotton top (bad).

The seduction strategy for wearing that fashion nightmare is for Brit to beg her to take it off.

Michelle: C'mon Brit. You know we're good together.
Brit: Things are good with Elena. I don't want to f--- it up by dredging up old flames.
Michelle: Is that all I am to you?

Michelle moves in for the kill and kisses Brit, dredging up all sorts of flamey things.

After just enough lingering lip action to enjoy it without owning it, Brit breaks off the kiss and pushes Michelle away. Elena is the only one dredging in Brit's canals these days.

Michelle says tightly, "I'm sorry I came back here. I don't know what I was thinking," even though she knows damn well what she was thinking: Brit on all fours in the garage.

Michelle says she needs Brit to be the friend and sidekick to her Nancy Drew if she is ever going to solve "The Mystery of the Mauled Parents." It also might be solvable with a little Tresum spell she found. Brit is OK being friends, but balks at the mere mention of magic.

Brit: Whoa! I'm a scientist.

Uh.

Brit: I have no interest in this otherworldly bullsh--.
Michelle: You said you'd help.
Brit: Tresum is nothing but trouble.
Michelle: Yeah, well, that's what I told Van, too. But when you lose everyone you love, all bets are off. Just wait. You'll see.
Brit: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Realizing she bared a little too much fang, Michelle backs off by saying maybe one day, Brit will see Tresum isn't so bad after all. Brit the Scientist scoffs. And does some quick tide calculations in her head, because that's what absent-minded ocean scientists do. Or so I've heard.

Sacrifices — Over at Grace's place, there's something going on that's even more disturbing than Michelle's shirt – Grace is on her knees, swearing loyalty and servitude to her arch nemesis, Griff. Oh, my eyes.

Wearing a biblical hood and robe, Grace does a candle ritual with her new master and commander. "I pledge to serve the will of the Council and the will of my avatar, Griffin," she intones with utter and complete defeat.