"Doctor Who" Finale Part 1 Recap: “Turn Left”

Donna tells Rose that somebody called “The Doctor” died. Rose, distraught, says, “I shouldn’t even be here. This is so wrong.”

But as upset as Rose is, she too can’t help but stare at Donna’s back. Donna’s all, “Why are you looking at my back?” And Rose is all, “No I’m not,” and Donna is all, “Yeah, y’are.” It’s all very Young Frankenstein “Hump? What hump?”, although Donna isn’t finding it so funny. She tries to catch a glimpse of her own back, and when she spins back around, Rose is gone.

Cut to the offices of the famous Mr. Chowdry. Who is promptly canning Donna’s ass since his business is going down the tubes. Apparently an exploding Christmas ornament and flooded Thames adversely affects the population’s need to make photocopies.

He pleads with Donna not to make a scene. She responds by crying out, “wandering hands,” and intimidating various co-workers who you can tell will be having a “Good Riddance Bitch” party the second she’s out the door. She’s totally the Dwight Schrute of Chowdry Copies.

But they’re all suddenly preoccupied when the ground starts shaking. Everyone but Donna rushes to the window to see a mysterious black cloud appear outside. Oh, and the rain is raining upward. They turn on the TV and hear a reporter describe how the Royal Hope Hospital just up and disappeared. Where have I heard of something like this happening before? Hmmm, where could it have been? Oh, yeah. Series Three, Episode One: “Smith and Jones.”

Meanwhile, Donna is packing/stealing various office supplies. She makes her exit by outing some girl named Anne-Marie as the office petty-cash thief.

Back at the Noble House, Donna and Gramps are watching TV coverage. A reporter describes how the hospital was returned but with only one survivor, medical student Oliver Morgenstern. I wonder if he’s any relation to Rhoda Morgenstern. Oh, how I loved Rhoda! That beaded doorway! And those headscarf-turbany things she wore. And that hairy-chested ex-husband of hers. Mmmmm.

Where was I? Oh, right. In his TV interview, Oliver describes how they were overrun by talking rhino-like creatures. And how Martha Jones gave him the last oxygen tank before she died. D’oh! This Right-Turn Reality is turning out to be a major bummer.

Meanwhile, Donna’s mum Sylvia is going through the stuff from the office, happy Donna at least snagged a stapler and a raffle ticket. Gramps Wilfred is miffed that the two women don’t seem to care that aliens took a hospital to the moon. But Right-Turn-Reality Donna is a real Scully when it comes to believing in aliens. At least for now.

Instead, she’s marveling at how well her mum is taking the news of her sacking. Sylvia responds, “To be honest, I've given up on you.” Ouch. Turns out Right-Turn-Reality Sylvia is just as harsh as the leftie one.

On the TV, Oliver describes how Sarah Jane Smith, a freelance investigative journalist, tried to help save them and apparently also died. Hah! No spin-off for you now, Sarah Jane.

Donna goes out to buy everybody chips. Outside, there’s a flash of light in an alley, and out runs none other than Rose. Donna remembers her from Christmas, and they have this “imagine running into you again” moment. But Donna finds it suspicious that, for a second time, this mysterious blonde stranger won’t reveal her name.

Then Donna gets pissed that Rose is staring at her again. “Hey blondie,” she says, “I might have some sort of mutant alien-thing on my back, but trust me, it’s nothing compared to that overbite of yours. Get thee to an orthodontist before your jaw expands past your ears.” Well, that’s at least what I would have said.

But what Donna says is that it’s not just Rose but total strangers who are now gaping at her on the street. But when she looks at herself at home, she can’t see anything there. Then, like a puppy trying to catch its own tail, she tries to spin around fast enough to get a glimpse at her own back. Good luck with that.

Rose changes the subject by advising that Donna and her family might want to get out of town before next Christmas.

Donna says she can’t afford a vacation. But Rose reminds her of that office raffle ticket, and points out how first prize is a luxury weekend away. Donna is now getting seriously spooked by Rose. Telling her to leave her alone, she marches off.

Cut to a posh inn in the country. Donna, Gramps and Mum are just arriving and giddy about their good fortune. Sylvia warns everyone to act classy and not let on they won the weekend in a raffle, particularly Gramps, who is sporting a dashing set of reindeer antlers in the spirit of the holiday.

The next morning, inside their room, Gramps is lying on the sofa, while Sylvia lounges in bed wearing a satin negligee and eating bon-bons, looking for all the world like a housewife of Orange County awaiting the arrival of her aerobics instructor/gigolo.

Donna is in the bathroom prettying herself up. A maid comes in, takes one look at her, and starts frantically pointing and hissing in Spanish. Donna looks behind her and for just a second catches a glimpse of alien pincer on her back. But when she tries to look again, it’s gone.