"Doctor Who" Finale Part 2: “The Stolen Earth”

Meanwhile, the Daleks mercilessly continue their attack on Earth. In the Hub, Jack and the team monitor different military bases that have been destroyed and realize UNIT NYC is next. Jack calls Martha to warn her.

But just then General Dickwad comes and escorts her away, informing her that Project Indigo has been activated. As they leave, Daleks arrive and the redhats try to fight back with guns, but their puny weapons are useless. Useless! Bwa ha ha ha. Then the Daleks zap poor Suzanne right down to the bones.

Scurrying down the hall, Martha says Project Indigo still hasn’t been tested. Jack, still on the phone with her, screams that it’s not safe. General Dickwad says she takes orders from him, not Torchwood. What’s more, she’s the one who must be Indigo-ed, since she’s their only hope of finding the Doctor.

And if that doesn’t work, he orders her to use an object he places in her hand that looks like it might very well be an American Express Black Card. Who knew UNIT had such an excellent credit rating? If all else fails, is she supposed to buy herself a yacht?

But it must be something more extravagant than a black Amex. Because Martha gasps at being given the “Osterhagen Key” and says she can’t possibly use it. General Dickwad insists she’ll do what’s necessary for the human race. As Daleks approach, he quickly throws this backpack thing on her. She says goodbye to Jack, then reluctantly activates the backpack and disappears.

In the Hub, Jack screams in despair and kicks innocent furniture. Ianto asks about Project Indigo, and Jack explains that it’s an experimental teleportation device taken from the Sontarans. But they don’t have the co-ordinates to use it properly, so Martha’s pretty much been scattered into atoms. He seems to think that’s a bad thing, but I could swear that when that happened to one of the dudes in Watchmen, it turned him into a supreme being. Just saying, you never know.

Inside the Dalek ship, the Supreme Dalek orders the others to “prepare the Crucible” and bring the humans. Hey, what’s with all this talk of “the Crucible” anyway? Are they planning on putting on a production of the Arthur Miller play and force humanity to be their audience? Because I think I’d prefer to be zapped into oblivion.

We hear this other Dalek-y voice asking for a status report, and see this claw hand, and even though he’s not identified yet, it’s pretty obvious that this is the infamous Davros, given they refer to him as their creator.

Supreme Dalek reports there’s no news about the Doctor, and Davros warns him not to have so much pride, adding that Dalek Caan is uneasy. Supreme D. calls Caan an “insane … abomination,” and the glimpse we get of him sure confirms that. Caan’s metal shell has been opened to reveal what appears to be a plate of spoiled calamari inside.

Yuck. I wonder if the Daleks ever sit around bemoaning how lucky those Cylons are, given some of them come in hot-babe models that are much easier on the eyes than squidface here. Caan madly cackles, “The Doctor is coming!”

Meanwhile, Donna, as bored by the Shadow Proclamation as I am, has gone off to sulk. For inexplicable reasons (at least for now), we hear this Tell-Tale-Heart-like thudding coming from the vicinity of Donna’s chest. It’s interrupted by the appearance of a younger Goth Annie who offers her a drink and comments that Donna recently had something on her back. I’m surprised Donna doesn’t deck her, given what went on with all the back name-calling/finger-pointing last week.

Lil Goth Annie seems in awe of Donna and calls her something “new,” but Donna sticks with her self-pitying mantra, calling herself nothing more than a temp and “no use to anyone.” Jeez, how many people have to call her brilliant before she drops the “poor useless me” routine? Lil Annie says she’s sorry for Donna’s loss, and creeps Donna out when she specifies she doesn’t mean Earth, but the loss that’s “yet to come.”

The Doctor calls over to ask Donna if there was anything weird happening on Earth that might have been a warning of the danger to come. I wonder if the inexplicable success of Jimmy Kimmel qualifies. Donna remembers how the bees were disappearing. This gets the Doctor and Goth Annie all excited, since it indicates the bees were returning to their home planet.

Donna: Are you saying bees are aliens?
The Doctor: Don’t be so daft … not all of them.

Heh. I love how this show manages, even in a deadly serious crisis, to keep its sense of humor. Anyway, the Doctor explains that migrant bees leave behind a series of invisible wavelengths used as carrier signals. Since the bees were returning to their home planet — one of those that was stolen — they can now simply follow the wavelengths they left behind as a trail to the missing planets.