Doctor Who Finale Part 3 Recap: “Journey’s End”

Somewhere, La Streisand must be pissed somebody’s out there stealing her spotlight. Because suddenly the light leaves Donna and instead coalesces on the severed hand. And then the hand generates an entire body, a replica of the Doctor. He’s Doctor Two!

“It’s you!” Donna says, stunned. He confirms it is. “And you’re naked,” she says, checking out his crotch. Lucky girl, that Catherine Tate, getting to confirm firsthand if what John Barrowman says about David Tennant’s schlong is true. Even if it’s half-true, she’s still a lucky a girl.

Doctor Two, realizing the TARDIS isn’t doing so hot given how hot it’s become, starts poking his equipment. And by equipment I sadly don’t mean his schlong, although that would seem as appropriate a response to this crisis as any. Instead, he tries doing something more TARDIS-y.

Inside the Crucible, Rose holds hands with original-recipe Doctor and tries to comfort him. They watch the Dalek-vision monitor in horror as the TARDIS seems to burn up and disappear. Supreme D. announces it’s been destroyed, and wonders if this makes the Doctor feel “anger, sorrow, despair.”

Jack says, “Feel this” and shoots the Supreme Dalek. I’m sure getting to go into action hero mode and offer up a snippy comeback line might have been momentarily satisfying, but he should really know by now how useless a move this is. Because of course his puny weapon is useless, and the Supreme D. promptly zaps Jack down to the skeleton.

I’m actually so affected by Rose’s crying and running to Jack’s side and declaring him dead that I forget that Jack can’t die. Until we see him wink at the Doctor.

Meanwhile, the Supreme D. orders Rose and the Doctor taken to “the Vault” and made the “playthings of Davros.” Yeesh. I’d have to say, when it comes to this show’s various villains, I’d prefer to be a plaything of just about anyone other than Davros. Where’s Derek Jacobi or a sexy Cyberman when you need one?

Cut to the TARDIS flying away from the Crucible. Inside, Doctor Two has dolled himself up in his blue suit and a bright shirt and is awfully pleased with himself. He’s making repairs but acting weirdly hyper, like a hyperactive child on a juice-box bender.

Donna doesn’t know what to make of all this. She wonders if Time Lords are like worms, where you lop off a bit and another one grows in its place. Doctor Two announces that he’s something quite unique — his regeneration energy went into his hand, but then Donna reached out and touched the hand, so their energies combined. Then we get this really funny bit where they realize that Doctor Two sounds an awful lot like Donna …

Donna: Oi!
Doctor Two: Oi!
Donna: Oi!

(BTW, Tennant does some great acting here where he manages to mimic her voice and her gestures but also communicate how he’s surprised and even horrified to hear himself sounding this way.)

What’s more, Doc Two realizes he only has one heart, which would indicate he’s now human, a prospect he says he finds totally “disgusting.” He doesn’t know the half of it. Just wait until human afflictions like hemorrhoids and nacho-cravings kick in.