“Game of Thrones” Recap 106: Yeow, That's Gotta Hurt!

So I think it’s worth noting that I thought this was, hands down, the strongest episode of this series so far. Is it a coincidence that it was written by Buffy (and future Torchwood) uber-scribe Jane Espenson?

I think not.

Why did I think this was the strongest episode? I have a theory, which I will share at the end of the recap.

We open on a scene dealing with the consequences of last week’s attack by Jamie Lannister on Boromir, where Jamie killed all of Boromir’s men. Jamie has since fled the kingdom for Casterly Rock (their home castle, which I don’t think we’ve seen yet, right?). Boromir is pissed and basically wants to release the hounds (no pun intended, since there actually is a "Hound" in this show).

King Robert won’t have any of it. “I can’t rule the seven kingdoms if the Starks and the Lannisters are at each other’s throats,” he says. Which, when you think about it, is basically the same reason Obama gives for not prosecuting Bush and Cheney for illegal war crimes (which both have admitted to). Basically: "We have more important external enemies to worry about."

Is this smart or cowardly leadership on King Robert's (and Obama's) part? It matters, because that's exactly the theme of this episode.

Despite their ongoing differences, King Robert gives Boromir back his Star Trek com-badge, making him the King’s Hand again (and also giving him access to the holodeck). Needless to say, this does not go over well with Cersei, who apparently has only two ways to influence her husband the king: bitchiness and more bitchiness.

That said, it's not okay to hit a woman, or anyone, and she has a pretty good comeback to his slap: "I shall wear this as a badge of honor."

Across the Narrow Sea, we have a scene of Daenerys putting her precious dragon eggs in the fire. This doesn’t make a lot of sense – maybe she wants hard-boiled eggs? – but soon we see what this scene is really all about: Daenerys, whose family has “the blood of the dragon,” isn’t harmed by touching anything hot – unlike her poor servant girl who needs to get cold water – or horse fat? – on those hands fast.

Remember this scene: it’s key to the whole episode.

Back at Winterfell, Bran (who is paralyzed, remember?) finally gets the special saddle that Tyrion had designed for him. On a ride in the woods with his brother Robb and the Stark’s Cousin Oliver (also known as Theon Greyjoy), he’s captured by bandits.

Robb is all, “I’ll do whatever you want! Don’t hurt my brother!”

But Cousin Oliver doesn’t hesitate to shoot the bandit with an arrow – even if he was risking Bran’s life. The point is that he’s willing to take risks, while Robb just wants to play it safe. This is another example of author George. R.R. Martin’s patented “irony” – where the heir to the lordship is clearly not nearly as worthy as the castle’s maligned “ward,” who has no claim to this throne at all.

Give it up, Robb! You suck!

Back across the Narrow Sea, Daenerys is enjoying some beef tartar (with extra blood!), proving that she is totally worthy to be a barbarian queen. She just barely manages to keep it down, which is a little like how I feel about anything squash or yam-related. How do people stomach that? It literally tastes to me like how I imagine vomit must taste.

She and the others make a prophecy about how her unborn child will (a) be a son and (b) unite the Dothraki horde and conquer the world.

Um, good job not placing expectations on your child! What if her "intuition" is wrong, and it turns out to be a girl? Or what if it is a boy, but he just happens to be, uh, a sensitive misfit? If so, I'll feel for him: my mother desperately wanted me to be a lawyer. (In my defense, she was more intimidating than you’d think – she could’ve easily downed a raw horse’s heart or two in the time between a luncheon and her appointment at the hair salon.)

Next Page! That's some legal system you got there, Westeros!