"Gossip Girl" 3.7 Recap: "How to Succeed in Bassness"

After last week's highly-hyped, positively prudish boy-on-boy smooch, Gossip Girl brought its actual gay couple, Eric van der Woodsen and Jonathan Dillinger, back to the screen last night in "How to Succeed in Bassness." It started with a yogurt dump, escalated with Jonathan getting egged and ended with Eric breaking up with his sister — for real this time!

It's Halloween, and you know Gossip Girl's got something ludicrous to say about it:

"All Hallow's Eve, the only day of the year it's socially acceptable to play dress up. The only question is: Who do you want to be? There are costumes to make men feel like boys again, or turn little girls into queens."

There are also costumes to turn men into queens. Sadly, we don't get to see any of those tonight.

And speaking of queens, Eric and Jenny are walking together toward the Met, where Jenny meets with her minions before school each morning to eat yogurt and talk about how Jenny's homemade Constance uniform is so fetch. Eric tells her that Rufus wants to know his clothing size.

"Does this mean I'm getting a flannel?" he asks.

God, I hope not; you already have Dan Humphrey — the gayest lesbian in Queer Town — in your family. I don't know how much more flannel the UES can take.

At the Met, Eric bounces when they they meet up with the Mean Girls. His boyfriend is home from Fencing Camp, and who knows where he'll be shipped next. Barbershop Camp? Naked Camp? School of Rock Camp? (All real places.)

Unfortunately, they bounce right up to the top steps of the Met because birds have been crapping in their normal spot. Jonathan invites Jenny to go to the Village with them for Halloween, but Jenny commands them to descend from her throne immediately. Eric does it with a smile because he's Eric, but Jonathan's insists that Jenny's body has been snatched by a monster.

"She's still the same Jenny underneath; she just has to wear the mask for school!" Eric says.

Jonathan disagrees. He learned a thing or two earlier this year at Mask Camp: "That mask is becoming her face!"

To prove his point, he climbs back to the top of the Met steps, and when he refuses to obey Jenny's direct order to skedaddle, the Mean Girls dump their yogurt on Eric's head. Does Aspartame cause breakouts? I'll bet Kurt Hummel knows.