"Spartacus: Blood and Sand" 1.08 Recap: "Mark of the Brotherhood"

We begin with Spartacus lounging about in his loincloth, reminiscing about how freaktastically awesome he is at killing dudes in the arena. Disturbingly, it brings a smile to his face.

Watching him in the arena, Paris Hilton BC and So-lame-ius bitch and moan about how Spartacus is always winning in the main events, so Batty and Lucretia Lawless tell them about their plans to buy a new batch of gladiators.

In the streets, Batty sees So-lame-ius approaching the slave auction at Slaves-R-Us, and the two trade a few thinly veiled threats. The auctioneer is like, "Dudes! Check out this awesome selection of beefacke."

So Batty bids way too much to make So-lame-ius feel like less of a man. I'd be careful there, Batty. The worm may have turned, but I bet it could turn again faster than you could say "Primus!" 

Back in the villa, poor recuperating Crisco is trying his best to get his freak on with Lucretia, but it's a pretty sorry attempt. Old Navy shows up to tell them that Batty's back, and Lucretia's like, "Get out!"

Old Navy's bumming because she wants a piece of the Crisco action, so he tells her not to worry, he's totally thinking about her while he's bangin' Xena. Totally.

The new potential gladiators show up and are given the welcoming speech by Pit Guy in a repeat of what we saw in the second episode, only now it's Spartacus making Crisco's customary speech about how they're all such rockin' dudes and how the sand is steeped with the blood of those who came before them.

You know, the usual "Welcome to the office" speech we all get on our first day.

Paris is checking out the newbies, and Batty notices her interest in them, so Lucretia offers her the chance to be one of their patrons. She giggles at the idea of being a domina to a gladiator, but doesn't know which one to choose. So naturally Batty suggests all the guys get naked for her, and ... wait for it ... is that ...

Hey, it's Kirk Douglas! That's right, the new Gaul gladiator is either sporting one of the shows notorious prosthetic enhancements, or this dude has a lot to feel proud of. A lot. Paris, not surprisingly, chooses him to be her gladiator.