“Torchwood” Episode 104 Recap: "Cyberwoman"

Ianto tells Gwen he's sorry but she has no idea about what. Jack's confused too and eyes Ianto with suspicion. Jack picks up Owen, who's still passed out, and everyone starts to make their way upstairs.

They don't get ten yards from the storage room when Lisa reappears. She stares at them blankly. Jack explains the backstory to Gwen about cybermen and conversions and how none of them are supposed to exist anymore. Lisa turns and vanishes around the corner. And by "vanishes" I mean she clunks away with all the alacrity of the Tin Man.

Jack turns his gun to Ianto's head. The office has a rat.

Have you met my girlfriend? — Tosh is shocked to see Jack pointing his gun at Ianto. He tells Ianto to get on his knees, hands behind his head.

Captain Jack is going to get to the bottom of this.

Jack: Did you know that thing was down there?
Ianto: I put her there.
Jack: You hid a cyberman within Torchwood and you didn't tell us? What else are you keeping from us?
Ianto: What do you care? I clean up your shit. No questions asked and that's the way you like it. When did you last ask me anything about my life? Her name is Lisa. She's my girlfriend.

Which is funnier: that the cyberdomme's name is Lisa or that Ianto is throwing himself a boo party because no one ever asks him, "How's it going?"

Gwen: Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you.
Ianto: Torchwood exists to destroy alien threats. Why would I tell you about her?
Owen: [awake now] A little loyalty perhaps?
Ianto: My loyalty's to her.

His lip quivering, Ianto tells them they owe it to Lisa to find a cure. Do they? Too bad you can't cure crazy, which is what Ianto is if he thinks this is going to work out. Lisa won't be coming with you to the Torchwood company picnic, sweetie.

Even the groovy people at Torchwood are susceptible to dysfunctional relationships. You know the kind I mean. The one you thought was The One becomes distant and demanding, and all too soon. Their needs become your needs, whether it be all your attention, a place to stay, or lots and lots of electricity. And before you know it, you're distancing yourself from your friends and making excuses when your partner kills someone. Guess what, honey? It's time to set that bitch free.

And that's why Jack's the leader — Jack makes it clear that saving Lisa is not on his to-do list. He tells everyone that this is how it starts — small decisions that lead to mass destruction. Finding one sap like Ianto is all they need to rebuild their numbers and before you know it, silver is the new black, everywhere.

Ianto can't hear Jack right now because he's blinded by love. Why yes, she killed Dr. Tanizaki and tried to convert Gwen but you don't know her like I do. She's really sweet once you get to know her… Ianto is really on my last nerve this week.

Ianto asks Jack if he's ever been in love. If so, he'd know why he can't give up on Lisa. Jack tells Ianto to grow a spine and choose a side. Ianto says, "She's not a monster," and right on cue, the monster shows up. How does she keep sneaking up on them when every step she takes sounds like someone dropping a bucket of bolts?

Gwen and the others want to fire at will. Jack motions to wait, he wants to talk to Lisa.

Lisa: The army will be built from here. This building is suitable.
Jack: Who are you?
Lisa: Human point two.
Ianto: No… Lisa…
Jack: So how come you look like Human point one?
Lisa: I do not understand.
Jack: Look at yourself. Go ahead.

Lisa checks her reflection on the nearest shiny surface. She looks confused.