“Torchwood” Episode 104 Recap: "Cyberwoman"

Ianto: Remember Lisa. Remember who you are.
Lisa: The upgrade is incomplete.
Ianto: You're still human.
Lisa: I am disgusting. I have… I am…wrong.

Ianto tries to reason with her some more. All he wants is to be together again. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Lisa suddenly agrees with him — yes, together forever would be good. But in her definition of together, she implants her brain into his body. Lisa wants the two of them fused together, forever, becoming one complete person. Lisa's a lesbian?

Ianto starts to cry because his girlfriend is a bad machine. Heh.

To show her love for Ianto, she grabs him around the neck and tosses him across the room with one hand. He lands face-first in a puddle. Ha ha. Oops, sorry. Domestic violence is never funny.

Jack tries to shoot Lisa, but she raises her arm and discharges a series of debilitating energy pulses from her hand like a Taser. Jack is knocked back momentarily but he regains his composure and orders everyone to run. Lisa clunks her way over to Gwen, who stands frozen with a mixture of fear and awe.

Owen runs over and distracts Lisa, allowing Gwen to snap out of her trance and run. Everyone regroups in what looks like the conference room. Lisa is still lumbering her way slowly towards them. It's like being chased by a toy robot.

Jack announces unnecessarily this is a fight to the death. He gives Tosh a device that just so happens to be sitting on the table; an alien lock-picker that the now-dead Suzie scavenged last year.

Tosh doesn't want to leave the others behind, but someone has to open the doors if they're going to get out alive. Jack instructs Tosh to go upstairs to the phony store that acts as their front. Under the reception desk, next to the dried gum, is a big ol' bunch of wire. Find the one circuit marked 357 and attach these plastic road flares to it. Once that's done, meet everyone outside by the water tower. Oh, and good luck — the fate of all mankind is resting on your shoulders.

Someone should give Toshiko a raise.

Jack tells Owen and Gwen to find more weapons. He distracts Lisa by taunting her and letting her get close enough to grab him by her favorite body part: the neck. Instead of throwing Jack across the room, she shocks him with a gazillion volts of electricity. Jack goes down in agony.

Tosh looks on in horror as she waits for the alien lock-picker to work its magic. Gwen and Owen hold each other, fearing their leader is dead. We know better, and so should Gwen — Jack told her he can never die. Sure enough, he pops back to life and says to Lisa, "I'm not so easily deleted." Owen is amazed.

Lisa zaps Jack again, this time with more juice.

Again, Jack hits the ground with a thud. But this time, he doesn't get up.

Tosh gets the big rolling door open, squeezes through and closes it behind her just in time. Lisa is locked in, but so are Gwen and Owen, who've scurried away like mice. Unarmed mice who might have peed their pants just a little.

Gwen and Owen are cornered in a small room. Lisa is lurking about and they have nowhere to run. Spying one of the drawers where they store dead bodies, Owen opens the door.

Owen: Get in!
Gwen: No way!
Owen: Lie on top of me; it'll save us both.
Gwen: I'm not laying on top of you!
Owen: I'm not saying it's a brilliant idea, but it's the only one we've got!

These two are frigging hilarious.