Torchwood Episode 201 Recap: “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”

Jack heads up to search the roof, and Ianto, now alone, hears an ominous elevator ding. He goes to check it out, and Spike puts a gun to his head and forces him to get onto the elevator. Sorry, the “lift.” Spike tells him that if he hurries, he just might be able to save his dying friends. Ianto wonders why Spike is doing this. After a long speech about how pathetic humanity is, Spike finally admits it’s all about money.

Up on the roof, Spike approaches Jack, who’s just found the final Duracell battery. Spike says that the “Hero of the Year, 5094” is still “looking good,” but then snarks that he can’t believe that Jack and his team were conned into finding all the canisters for him. Jack wonders what it is that Spike really wants …

Spike: What I want is for you to come to your senses. Join me, Jack … How can you stay tied to one planet when there’s thousands of worlds … We should be there among the stars, claiming them for our own, just like before.

Awww. Spike is proposing! That is so sweet. Throw in some jewelry and assurances of an open relationship, and I’d say there’s no way Jack would say no. But say no he does, tired of Spike’s same old temptation/rule-the-world shtick.

Spike goes to grab the canister from him. So Jack goes “whoops” and throws it over the side of the building. So Spike goes “whoops” and throws Jack over after it.

Spike finds a seemingly dead Jack on the ground, and retrieves the last Duracell from the sidewalk next to him.

Meanwhile, Ianto rushes into the warehouse, where he finds Tosh removing a bullet that only went into Owen’s side, so he’s pretty much fine. Thank God for love handles.

They head off to the docks to search for Gwen, but realize there’s too many containers to search. Fortunately, Tosh is able to narrow down the search by doing some techie gizmo thing that pinpoints where Gwen last used her cellphone. Lalalalalala! Hop hop hop hop!

TW3 HQ. Morning. Spike has all three canisters open and has assembled a sort of jigsaw puzzle with their contents. All that trouble for a game of Jenga?

He goes over to Charlie the Tuna’s corpse (talk about smelling like day-old fish), and says it’s too bad that Charlie stole a car and got himself noticed. Then he takes the flashing beeper thing from Charlie’s pocket.

But before he can insert it into his little canister puzzle, he’s interrupted by the gun-toting Scullies.