Torchwood Episode 201 Recap: “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”

He’s particularly shocked to find that Jack’s among them. Jack explains that he can’t ever die. Spike, while impressed by this new trick, says it must suck to constantly go through the pain and trauma of resurrection. He wonders why Jack even bothers …

Jack: These people, this planet, hold beauty you could never see. That’s what I come back for.

Spike explains that all along, he’s really been after a rare Arcadian diamond his previous partner had gotten her hands on, before sending it into the Rift. Right before he shot her. Nice. But he’s willing to go 50-50 with the Scullies. Eyeing Ianto in particular, he promises to throw in an orgy to seal the deal.

Jack makes him complete the puzzle thingie, and instead of the diamond, it reveals another Obi-Wan-O-Gram, this time of the dead woman. She congratulates Spike on a job well done, but adds that there’s no diamond. As she speaks, this metal disk appears floating in the air, sprouts metal claws, and attaches itself to Spike’s chest. It’s the nipple clamp from Hell.

The hologram lady gleefully explains that it’s an explosive device designed to attach itself to the DNA of whoever killed her — and set to go off in exactly 10 minutes. Although the Scullies are sort of enjoying all this, Spike demands they help him. To make sure of it, he handcuffs himself to Gwen and swallows the key.

Gwen does some quick thinking and gets Tosh to use her shiny new “Rift Locator Device” to reveal where the Rift will next appear. Jack figures out that she’s planning to throw herself into it so that she and Spike will be far away from the city when the device goes off. He runs off with Ianto to try to find some other solution, while Gwen and Spike head off to the carpark where the Rift is set to appear.

Spike spends the car ride ogling various passersby and one particularly handsome poodle. When Gwen tells him to shut up, he pouts about having to spend the last five minutes of his life behaving. Not to mention chained to such a whiny killjoy.

Carpark. The mists of impending Rift-dom appear. Gwen pulls Spike out of the car and forces him to run with her toward it. He’s wondering what’s the point of having a team if there’s no hope of a last-minute rescue.

In fact, there is just such a rescue, as Jack and Ianto come running up bearing a syringe. They proceed to inject Spike with its contents. At first, it seems to have no effect. But with just seconds remaining before detonation, the nipple clamp suddenly drops away. Jack throws it into the Rift, where it explodes.