Torchwood Episode 207 Recap: “Dead Man Walking”

Martha, working in another part of the Hub, hears her Owen monitor beeping like crazy. She runs to Jack and asks if he’s seen Owen, because his energy levels are off the scale. Tosh says Owen went to the loo, but Martha doubts this, given he can’t eat or drink and therefore certainly doesn’t need to pee. Oh please, like she’s never gone to the rest room just to primp.

Martha is alarmed that Owen might have gotten outside. When Jack defends him as not dangerous, she turns on him about how he had a Resurrection Glove and didn’t share it with UNIT. She’s kind of pissy in this scene, but given that only hours ago she had a huge Mayfly ready to open a Jamba Juice franchise inside her stomach, she’s demonstrating a remarkable level of spunk through much of this. Jack promises he’ll find Owen.

We cut to a trippy sequence right out of Trainspotting of Owen on a pub crawl. He downs pints in a neon-lit club, on which a TV monitor depicts a Pokemon-like image of the Grim Reaper. Real subtle. Then he’s approached by a young woman dressed as an angel. Twice as subtle. This must be that bar in Cardiff where all the clunky symbols hang out.

The angel girl throws herself at him, and he starts making out with her. Shy young thing that she is, she thrusts her hand inside his pants right there in the bar. But then she quickly pulls it out. A hand hasn’t reacted to the contents of pants with this much surprise since The Crying Game.

“Don’t you like me?” she says, as Owen turns away in embarrassment. Guess rigor mortis hasn’t set in down below. Owen realizes that without blood flow, there’s not going to much action for little Owen tonight. Or ever again.

He tries to get out of there but runs smack into Jack, who found him via the wristwatch and scanner. Owen decides to make a scene and starts bellowing about how Jack brought him back for an alarm code, and how it sucks knowing your life is over when it wasn’t all that great in the first place. Then he tries to clobber Jack but misses. Jack grabs him from behind but is himself grabbed by friendly bystanders who drag them outside, where the friendly police are waiting to arrest them.

Owen pleads with the arresting officer about being “Torchwood … special ops,” and Jack does this hilarious cockney voice, saying, “Wot’s ’ee on about? Special needs is more like.” Tee hee. I love when Jack does funny voices. I can just imagine the litany of imitations and accents and comedy routines Ianto gets from him in the bedroom. Lucky devil.

Owen and Jack are both taken away by the police, and don’t notice a pair of Weevils watching the squad car pull away.