Torchwood Episode 208 Recap: “A Day in the Death”

Owen gives it a go, and as you’d expect, it’s pretty much a disaster, so he takes it out on Ianto …

Owen: I bet you’re loving this. It’s like you’ve finally won.
Ianto: I didn’t realize we were in competition.
Owen: C’mon, even Tosh had more of a life than you used to. Now you’re always out on missions. You’re shagging Jack, and I’m stuck here making coffee.
Ianto: It’s not like that, me and Jack.

The way Gareth plays the scene, you can tell Owen’s touched a nerve and Ianto’s worried it’s just like that with him and Jack. It reminds me of how good he was in “Adam” when Ianto thought he was a serial killer and he was able to express a gamut of conflicted emotions without saying much of anything. If only they’d taken a cue from him for how to handle Owen in this episode, showing us more about what’s going on with him and speechifying a little bit less.

Case in point: Owen now decides to turn his self-pity party into a banquet, expanding on his gripes to complain about how Gwen’s getting married, Martha has a boyfriend (as she led him to believe), and even Tosh had popsicle-stick man, while he’s all by his dead lonesome. Ianto says that after seeing everything Owen’s capable of, he can’t believe he’s going to let this thing beat him.

Cut to Martha running a series of tests on Owen which consist primarily of Owen running. He’s wearing a muscle T and doing a set of dumbbell curls, and I’m shallow enough to admit the whole thing kind of turned me on.

He tries yet again to flirt with her but doesn’t get any further than the last 50 times when she practically puked at his advances. She says the tests have found he’s 100% human, in good shape, and, as an extra bonus, unable to age. Don’t let word get out in Beverly Hills or you’ll have every actress over 25 swimming the Cardiff harbor looking for the original Resurrection Glove a.k.a. “the new Botox.”

Just then Gwen pipes in on some intercom system I didn’t even realize they had, asking Martha to come down to the “board room.” They have a board room? Doesn’t that imply they have some kind of a board? Or does she mean the “bored” room, because that’s where all the boring exposition typically takes place?

Owen wistfully tells Martha to go on ahead and that he’ll be sure to bring her favorite coffee drink. His Jesus self-comparison is proving surprisingly accurate, because he’s clearly loving playing the martyr.

The Bored Room. Jack is telling all his non-dead employees about some millionaire collector of alien artifacts named Henry John Parker. They’ve detected an enormous energy spike from his home that’s cause for concern.

Parker is a real Howard Hughes type, although from the picture we see, nowhere near as cute as Leonardo DiCaprio, something Jack agrees with, given he says the guy is 80 and even he has his standards. Parker is a recluse who hasn’t left his home since his wife died, back in 1986. That means as far as he’s concerned, the Berlin Wall is up, Members Only jackets are in, and George Michael is straight.

Owen comes in to serve coffee, but then rather awkwardly starts participating in their strategy session, like some Dilbert character who keeps showing up at the office even after being fired. He says they’ve been monitoring Parker for years but he’s harmless, “nothing to be scared of.” “Unlike Tintin,” Ianto replies, I’m guessing because he’s still pissed at Owen for his earlier shagging comment and figures raising Owen’s irrational phobia of a squiggly comics character is the best way to even the score.

Owen: Okay, I admit it. I’ve never liked Tintin. Well, he’s weird. He’s got a funny face and his hair is just horrible.
Ianto: I always loved Tintin.
Owen: Yeah, well you would. I mean he never had a girlfriend, did he? Just the dog. So I reckon he was actually shagging the dog.

Hearing this, Ianto glares at Owen with all the disgust and irritation of an older sibling stuck on a long car trip with his pipsqueak brother. Of course, Owen doesn’t realize that Tintin didn’t need to shag his dog, given he had Captain Haddock. Who better for companionship than a grizzled-looking bear who spends long, lonely stretches out at sea?

But before Ianto can make this argument, Gwen says, “Okay, meanwhile back at Torchwood? Alien energy pulse.” I don’t often say nice things about her, but she just nails this line and it’s fairly funny. I hope you enjoyed this little exchange as much as I did, because it’s about as humorous as this episode gets.