Torchwood Episode 209 Recap: "Something Borrowed"

Wedding Dress Boutique. The kind that caters to the huge demand for combo matrimonial/maternity wear. Ianto looks in a mirror holding a dress up in front of himself, and you can just hear the “Mrs. Captain Jones-Harkness” thoughts running through his pretty head.

This really sweet image is pretty much ruined for me by the arrival of a shopkeeper who, in a throwback to the demeaning stereotypes of Beverly Hills Cop and Rush Hour, manages to be both queeny and homophobic. He gives Ianto a funny look and makes a snide comment about how many men come in buying for their “friends.” Like all gay men have nothing better to do than buy expensive wedding dresses to take home and play “here comes the bride” with their partners. Everybody knows that’s only on Halloween.

Meanwhile, Rhys shows up at Gwen’s convinced she’s going to cancel, and she reveals that it’s not so much cold feet as a piping hot womb. Rhys responds, “Bastard Torchwood!” and blames Jack for sending her out on assignment the night before her wedding. She assures Rhys she’ll be fine once they take care of her at the Hub. Rhys is prepared to cancel the wedding, but she insists they proceed …

Gwen: I want to marry you today. Whatever happens, if the skies suddenly fill with spaceships or an army of Weevils climb out of the drains of St. Mary’s. Do you not understand what I’m saying? All I want to do today is marry you.

She’s actually very good in this scene, and I believe how sincere she is. As with the “Meat” episode, I like these demonstrations of her commitment to Rhys, and I like the idea of the show going forward with them as a married couple, a scenario which I think has many more intriguing and plausible possibilities than her awkward flirtations with Jack ever did.

Back at the Hub, Tosh, dressed up for the wedding, approaches Owen, and he knows enough about women to immediately compliment her outfit and not point out that she looks like someone’s old maiden aunt, shawl and beads and all. She wants him to come to the wedding with her, but he’s not so certain …

Owen: You ever seen a dead man dance?
Tosh: I’ve seen Fred Astaire in Easter Parade. Twice.

Owen says it wouldn’t be a date, but then asks if it would, as if, for the first time ever, he actually hopes so. And she firmly says “No,” I think because she finally realizes that going with just about anybody is going to be a step up from dating a corpse.

At her flat, Gwen faces her parents, and if I was perplexed by her girlfriends earlier then I’m even more baffled by the thought of this posh couple siring Gwen. Soooo not what I was expecting. The only authentic element of this relationship is that her father calls Gwen “duckling,” which is just about the most perfect nickname for her one could imagine.

Gwen says she and Rhys wanted the pregnancy to be a surprise. Because nothing delights parents more than the possibility that the day of their promiscuous daughter’s nuptials might also be the birth of their bastard grandchild.

They wonder if this is why they haven’t seen Gwen lately, and she assures them it’s because of her job. One of the biggest Lalalala aspects of this episode for me is the idea her mother hasn’t been involved with planning the wedding all this time. In general, though, her parents are fairly good-natured about this fiasco and talk about how much they’re looking forward to grandkids.