Ugly Betty Episode 201 Recap: “How Betty Got Her Grieve Back”

How can you not love a 12-year-old already capable of throwing hissy fits? I threw one myself at Justin’s age, when my class kept screwing up the song I’d written especially for our elementary school graduation to the tune of — I kid you not — the Village People’s “In the Navy.” It’s a miracle I made it to junior high.

Back at Mode, Justin sneaks out of the elevator and passes by Amanda who, swinging her ginormous hips down the hall in her bright pink satin dress, with her new mega-pear-shape figure is looking for all the world like a Teletubby. Hey kids, meet “Am-Daa,” Laa Laa and Tinky Winky’s slutty, shallow new friend. I hope Jerry Falwell is watching from Heaven. Or wherever he is.

Am-Daa spies Bradford, calls out “Dadford,” and then tries to get DNA from the old man by tricking him into licking an envelope, until Betty points out they’re self-sealing. Amanda then says Betty looks different, as if maybe she got her hair cut. “I’m wearing an eyepatch,” she replies, and Amanda says, “Didn’t you always have that?”

Betty then notices dried-out pink daisies on Amanda’s desk that were sent from Henry weeks ago and demands to know why Amanda didn’t tell her. “I’ve had a lot on my mind,” she replies. “It might be hard to believe but pretty girls have problems too.” Don’t I know it.

A distraught Betty heads to a photo shoot with the theme of “Fashion Disasters,” featuring makeovers of disaster victims who are lined up wearing TV shirts reading things like “Tornado.” This is so much like a concept a fashion magazine would really do it’s no longer satire and become a documentary.

Sheila: Just like in the storyboards, we show them at their absolute worst, ravaged by hurricanes, floods, fire.
Wili: Sad, sad, sad.
Sheila: Then we show the afters. Happy, sexy, blown out.
Wili: I love it! We change their lives and showcase the fall collections. Just make sure the skinny ones are up front.
Sheila: Famine! Get into make-up, now!

America Ferrera shows why she deserved her Emmy win by launching into this season’s certain-to-be-submitted-for-Emmy-consideration clip. It’s basically a riff on Shakespeare’s “If you prick him, will he not bleed” speech, now with beauty products. “Will this eyeliner bring back her house? Will this concealer bring back all she’s lost? There’s not enough styling gel in here to change all that.”

“What’s stumpy up to now,” Wili sneers, while everybody gapes at Betty.

Sheila: “You know, she’s right. We don’t have enough styling gel.”

I think I love Sheila.

Later, Wili is lying down and saying “N!” to employees at the photo shoot because she’s too exhausted to say “No.” She complains how nobody on the shoot knows anything about fashion, when they hear this ghostly voice saying, “Lose the belt.” They look around for its source, until Wili pulls aside some hanging clothes to find Justin looking up at her eagerly and sheepishly.

Wili: Is it just me, or does anyone else see the little fashion elf?

Justin apologizes but explains the outfit is too busy, and then quotes Coco Chanel, in perfect unison with Wili, before scurrying to fluff up a model’s skirt just so. Wili is impressed and says he has “a gift.”

Then Marc comes in and tells her she has a call from “Shmair Shmead,” and Wili hilariously orders him to “trace the call … triangulate the signal.” How, exactly? Granted gaydar is pretty impressive, but I don’t think it can do all that.

Claire tells Wili she’s willing to sign over Mode if she agrees to dump Bradford, and sets up a meeting time in Central Park to hand over the papers. “I’ll be dressed as a cat or a nun,” she says. See, I told you that Mitzy person was into the kinky stuff. Or a lover of musical theater. Or both.

Meanwhile, Betty goes to drown her sorrows in fried food, gulping down three containers of pommes frites in one sitting, when Daniel joins her. He heard about the meltdown at the shoot and thought she could use a friend. Awww. He’s pretty sweet for such a selfish ass. Betty apologizes and says she thinks the stuff with Henry finally caught up with her. Daniel tells her he can help but she first needs to gather some things for tonight. “Why?” she asks. “Because we’re going to a funeral.”

Dramatically timed commercial break.

Amanda ups her efforts to get Bradford’s DNA by calmly slicing his hand open with a piece of paper. When he refuses to let her swab the wound, Marc has to step up to the plate. Marc goes to Bradford’s office and tells him that Wili has an issue with his earhair.

Bradford: I didn’t realize I had any.
Marc: Perhaps people have tried to tell you. But you couldn’t hear them through all your EARHAIR.

Marc gives him one of those Sharper Image electric thingies that can cut away embarrassing hair and also works as a clock radio, laser level, martini shaker, and God knows what else.