Ugly Betty Episode 203 Recap: “Betty’s Wait Problem”

Cut to Christina and Betty, surrounded by so many feathers you’d think they were in a porno flick about pillow-fighting sorority sisters. Christina is using the feathers to create dresses and masks for Mode’s Annual Black and White Ball. It’s like the Black Party and the White Party held at the same time! But then how will people know what to wear, what time to show up, and how sleazy the anonymous sex will be?'

Christina apologizes for telling Henry about Charlie being a big ole ’ho, when this bell rings eliciting a Pavlovian response in Betty, who races off for the sandwich cart already salivating.

This show has strained credibility pretty routinely, and usually I just go with it. But I’m drawing the line at a sandwich cart that patrols the halls of a busy office building in vermin-infested Manhattan. Way back in the Mad Men era before my time, my office actually had a martini cart — true story — that would come around in late afternoon so executives wouldn’t ever have to face the wife and kids sober. But I have never heard of an office sandwich cart, certainly not today, and certainly not at a magazine filled with skeletal fashion-conscious employees. Then again, maybe it makes sense in this case since you could wheel the food in close proximity of the restrooms to facilitate faster purging.

The sandwich cart guy is played by new recurring guest star Freddy Rodriguez, and I think it’s nice how, Dexter aside, ABC has pretty much become the retirement home for the cast of Six Feet Under, like it’s only a matter of weeks before Lauren Ambrose joins Grey’s Anatomy as a nymphomaniac gastroenterologist whose first case is to treat a patient suffering from chronic post-coital flatulence in an episode all about how, as Meredith will helpfully announce in her opening voiceover, “sometimes love stinks.”

It’s nothing against Freddy, who I always liked as Rico on Six Feet. And they’ve done a good job of making him really cute here — he’s sporting Tobey Maguire Spiderman 3 “Peter Goes Bad” badass hair, and he’s got all this jewelry to signal how much more street he is than uptight Henry. But the problem is that, unlike the clear chemistry and nearly overpowering sexual heat between Betty and Henry, Betty and Freddy are such a gosh-darned adorable pair it’s like watching the secret mating dance of the Care Bears.

At first he likes her because, unlike the fashion skeletons who only eat lettuce and only if it’s sprinkled liberally with Alli, she’s “an eater.” But then she comes back to complain that he only put three sundried tomatoes on top, whereas the old sandwich guy would just heap the stuff on. During this exchange, I kept thinking about a routine by Dame Edna (who really should guest on this show) about how the sundried tomato industry is just this big scam to get people to eat rotten old tomatoes. Regardless, it soon gets nasty, with Rico getting all high falutin’ about how too much sundried tomato overwhelms the sandwich and accusing her of being “like all the other spoiled Mode girls.” Whoa, that’s harsh.

Cut to Fashion Buzz Hosted by the “Ah-Mahzing” Alec Mapa. A gossipy TV report on the time of year when “fashion gives back,” with the annual Meade Ball benefiting New York Children’s Hospital. “Yes, the clothes will be fabulous,” Mapa announces. “And the kids will be sick!”

The usual hostess Claire Meade won’t be there, he adds, since she’s “on the lam, which Mario Batali is serving as the main course.” Instead, he says, it will be presided over by Bradford Meade and his now ex-fiancée Wilhemina.

“Turn it off!” Cut to Wili lying despondently on a fainting couch like a Victorian matron who just caught a glimpse of an exposed table leg. Where did bodyguard Dwayne run off to anyway? This bad mood is nothing a little afternoon delight won’t cure.

Marc, who is wearing so many different plaids and grids on his body he looks like he’s been dressed by MapQuest, grabs Wili by the shoulders and tries to shake some sense into her.