Ugly Betty Episode 203 Recap: “Betty’s Wait Problem”

Cut to Justin Suarez’s Ex-Possibly-Gay Ministry for Showtune Loving Youth. Justin is sitting at Betty’s desk holding Santos’ basketball, looking like quite the dashing young lad in a handsome green polo shirt and navy blazer. Phew! The butch-ery hasn’t really taken yet.

Seeing Daniel tossing paper into the trash, he asks if Daniel will help him learn to play b-ball. Daniel is surprised at this, but when Justin explains the ball was his father’s, Daniel smiles and agrees.

The busy streets of fake New York. Rico is packing boxes and boxes of stuff into the back of his van, like how many sandwich fixin’s could that little cart have held anyway? He is so making off with stolen paperclips and post-its. And maybe a color copier. Betty calls out to him and apologizes for what happened. She spoke to Daniel and got Rico his job back, which officially proves she is not some Mode girl.

He says it’s fine because it will put him back on track with his “five-year plan” of opening his own place, “Gino’s Sandwich Depot,” which is just an awful name for a restaurant, like who wants to eat inside some sort of train station. What’s next, a sandwich chain called “Subway”? How gross would that be? Rico excitedly explains that it’s going to have “the world’s longest condiment bar,” which would make for one long, long restaurant. Hence the depot, I guess.

So Rico drives off into the sunset and this ill-conceived idea for a romantic interest for Betty is nipped in the bud. Well, that might have happened, if Betty didn’t feel so guilty about what happened she now offers to pay Rico to help her pick up Daniel’s new iBot.

Cut to Papi and His Murder Victim Who Wasn’t Murdered. Ramiro says the only thing that kept him going all these years was his dream of revenge. And of flan. He points his gun at Papi and says if he makes his delicious flan just like he used to, he just might save his life. I’ve never been a big fan of flan myself. I guess I have an issue with foods that not only sound like something you’d hack up when you’re laid out with the flu but glisten and jiggle like it too.

Cut to Hoop Dreams: The Musical. Daniel and Justin are shooting hoops outside. Actually, neither of them really is, since Daniel’s in a wheelchair and Justin sucks.

I know this isn’t by any means true for all gay men, but for me personally, one of the greatest perks of coming out was no longer having to fake an interest in sports that don’t involve Speedos. So I’m really not in the mood for some endless montage of Justin and Daniel playing basketball, especially when Justin’s limp-wristed dribbling and cross-court prancing are such a painful reminder of how I was in gym class that I’m starting to think I should have my shrink on speakerphone during this.

At least it’s all set to a jazzed up version of “Get Into the Game” from High School Musical, and if you’re wondering why I know that arcane bit of bad movie musical trivia, what sort of queen do you think kids like Justin grow up to be anyway?

Frustrated by how lousy Justin is, Daniel leaps out of the wheelchair to take a shot himself, proclaiming his sudden ability to walk a “basketball miracle.” He explains to Justin he was faking it so he could make time with some physical therapist he’s got the hots for. Gee, I hope Mr. Roper doesn’t find out, or Daniel might not get to go to the Regal Beagle and more wacky hijinks will ensue.

Justin promises not to tell Betty, adding that Daniel reminds him of his father, what with him also being a narcissistic, dimwitted horndog with no real appreciation for the arts.

Karaoke Van of Misguided Love Interests. Rico is singing loudly and earnestly to Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart.” Betty joins in all flat and off key, although if she feels the way I do, I’m guessing she was just faking it to get him to turn that godawful song off, and thank you for that Betty.

Rico asks why Betty works at Mode if she’s not a fashion bitch like the rest of them. She explains it’s so she can get experience writing and start her own magazine some day. Except by the time she’s old and experienced and rich enough to do that, magazines will likely have gone the way of dial-up Internet service, non-HD TV, and the Republican-controlled Congress. But please don’t tell her that and ruin an already lousy day.