Ugly Betty Episode 203 Recap: “Betty’s Wait Problem”

Rico ruins it anyway by pointing out how she hasn’t written anything lately. Gesturing at his head, he mockingly says, “Good, keep it all up here,” and then makes this ridiculous comment about how that’s how Hemingway did it with The Sun Also Rises, waiting for it to “just magically appear in front of him.” Actually, I’m pretty sure Hemingway got drunk off his ass and slaughtered a bull first. And for a guy who until about an hour ago was a menial, minimum wage employee pushing around a lunch cart, he’s being an insufferable little ass about this, like who is he to criticize Betty who at least has a full-time job that comes with health insurance?

iBot Showroom. Hey, it’s Gay Vito! And he’s selling souped-up wheelchairs! I wonder if any of them were inspired by horrific acts of televised gay bashing? Actually, it’s not Gay Vito, just some other fat guy who was on The Sopranos, but the resemblance is close enough I kept looking for that hot fireman/chef guy Johnnycakes, who now that I think of it, would make an awesome new love interest for Marc.

Pseudo Gay Vito tries to pass off a model called “the Tulip” on Betty, since Jack Nicholson scored the last iBot. See, I told you all the cool kids wanted one. Rico tells Betty she should “make up a reason” for him to give her the iBot and come up with “a good story,” so she goes over and says her boss works for the CIA.

Back in the Karaoke Van, Betty talks about how she can’t believe it worked! Pseudo Gay Vito believed her crazy story “borrowed from Casino Royale” but with her own personal spin on it. I wonder if she added the part where Daniel Craig learns exactly how his archenemy got the name Blofeld. Wait, that’s my personal spin on it.

Cut to Christina fitting Wili for her ball gown.

Christina: Wait a minute! Is this seal? Am I pinning an endangered species?
Wili: If you really want to feel bad, I have a hat made of bald eagle.

Don’t worry, Christina. You can still see critters like that on “so_cute_its_extinct.com.” Marc comes in and announces that Alexis called Bradford to her bedside, so it looks like the wedding will be back on soon. Wili is thrilled with this turn of events and to celebrate does one of her favorite things in the whole world and slugs Marc. “That was for the square dancing,” she says. Jeez. Can you imagine if he’d included quilting class?

Cut to Flan Being Eaten to Dramatic Music. Ignacio sweats. The gun points. Ramiro chews. He looks up and … he likes it! He really likes it! But he tells his son to kill Papi anyway. D’oh!

Casa Suarez. Justin shows Hilda pictures on his camera phone as conclusive evidence he willingly engaged in just the sort of activity he’s usually begging her to write notes to excuse him from in P.E.

Hilda, who has enough sense, I think, to start being a little skeptical about this whole athletic venture, asks if Justin is going to keep up with this. He says he likes it and is getting better all the time, just as the ball he’s been tossing goes flying across the room and crashes. Mom always said don’t play ball in the house! Then Hilda sees a picture of Daniel making a jump shot and wonders, “Hey, isn’t he supposed to be in a wheelchair?”

Black and White Ballroom, Pre-Festivities. Betty is talking to Daniel and going over all the stuff she needs to do before the ball, and Rico (Why is he still there, anyway? Doesn’t he have exotic condiments to track down?) smugly says no wonder she has no time to write, given all the ass-coddling she does for her boss. Betty replies she’s got a lot going on, and he gives this loud “Quack” in her face and says he’s going to do it every time she makes an excuse. She responds by going “Woof,” although I’d think braying like a donkey would be more appropriate since he’s being such an ass.

Rico: Quack! Quack!
Betty: Woof! Woof!

It’s sounding more and more like a social mixer at a furries’ convention, when Hilda calls with the wonderful news about Daniel’s miraculous recovery. Betty is not amused.

Red Carpet for the Big Ball. (Heh heh. I just typed “Big Ball.”) Paparazzi. Fashion skeletons. Endangered-species couture. Lots and lots of feathers.

Alec Mapa (speaking into a microphone): What’s black and white and rich all over? The guests at Mode’s Black and White Ball benefiting the Children’s Hospital of blah blah blah like it matters. Let’s talk about what Eva Mendes is wearing…