Ugly Betty Episode 203 Recap: “Betty’s Wait Problem”

Cut to the Gun Pointed at Papi. Oh just kill him already. I’m tired of this. Papi begs for his life, reminding Hector how he and Rosa would protect him when his father was on a drunken beating rampage.

Back at the Big Ball. Daniel is on stage introducing “one of the biggest philanthropists in all of fashion,” and out walks Kenneth Cole, for real, not Kenneth Cole as played by Gina Gershon. Love him and love the clothes, although kind of hate the ads.

Kenneth Cole: Thank you. I’m so happy to be here for such a worthy and important cause. [Puts his hand over the mike and whispers to Daniel.] What’s this for again?

Claire quietly approaches Bradford, who’s standing off to the side watching the proceedings. He asks where she’s been, when Yoga interrupts and says, “She been with me and she is fine. We got a life now.” And frankly, it looks to me like a much happier, saner, sexier, more stable life than she ever had with Bradford, plus Yoga makes margaritas, so it bewilders me that’s she’s so desperate to go back to this withered old corpse.

Claire, perhaps sending Yoga a secret signal about how her heart knows what it really wants, says “I’d like something chocolate.” But then sends her off, assuring Bradford, “It’s not what you think. Well, almost once.” Ha! I knew it. I’ll bet it was on margarita night too. She proceeds to beg Bradford to run away with her, not realizing she’s being watched the whole time by Marc and Wili.

Marc: My God, what that woman would do for an open bar! Do you want me to call the police?
Wili: They’ll just put her back in jail. I know how to really hurt her.

Up on stage, Daniel introduces this adorable little sickly moppet named Sheldon, who starts talking about how tough it’s been, when Wili comes up behind him and yanks away the mike. “Isn’t that inspirational?” she says. “Friends, I cannot wait another moment to share this with you,” and she announces that her wedding to Bradford is back on. Engineered perfectly to coincide with November sweeps. What a coincidence.

Meanwhile, Bradford tells Claire her life ended “the day you murdered Fey,” and goes on stage to join his fiancé. I’m guessing as scary as Claire is, he’s much more afraid of Wili at this point, and who can blame him.

Cut to Papi Still at Gun Point. Ramiro comes in and asks Hector why Papi isn’t dead yet, telling him he always was a “disappointment as a son.” We hear shots ring out. Oh dear, you don’t think Papi bit the dust, do you?

Mode, the next day. Hey, how come all the other assistants got to go to the ball and not Betty? At least after all the black and white feathered, patterned monstrosities we saw people wearing, her purple ensemble here seems perfectly tasteful.

Daniel brings a peace offering of a bagel with a bite taken out of it, but it’s the thought that counts. He says he’s very sorry, and she says, “Don’t be. I’m your assistant and my job is to do whatever you want me to do. I think my meltdown had more to do with me than you.” She then asks Daniel if it’s okay to enroll in a creative writing class during lunch. I guess since she got the sandwich guy fired anyway, she figures the hour’s free now.

Tabloid pictures show Amanda naked on the red carpet, and I’m surprised it even made the tabloids because a naked nobody is still a nobody. Two fashion skeletons walking arm in arm talk about what a slut Amanda is and how much they like her.

There’s now this really sweet scene where Marc tries to cheer up Amanda, who’s clearly got a case of post-party blues.

Marc: Come on you were a hit last night.
Amanda: I know. Swag, Melissa Etheridge buying me a domestic beer, appearing nude in the tabloids — I didn’t think I’d have it this together until I was 40. But last night, when I was standing naked on the red carpet doing all those poses those guys were shouting at me, I really had time to think. And it hit me. I’m never going to get to talk to my mother. She’s gone and I have no idea who my father is. I feel like I’m an orphan.
Marc: You are not an orphan. You’ve got me. And you’ve got Halston. And you’ve got that creepy guy who saw your picture and asked you to step on his junk in your heels.
Amanda: And that means a lot, but I need something more.
Marc: What could be more important than fame?
Amanda: I need to find my father.

And I can just imagine how proud he’ll be of his exhibitionist, tabloid-fodder illegitimate daughter.