Ugly Betty Recap 204: “Grin and Bear It”

Conference Room à la Mode. The table is filled with toadies and yes-men quivering at Wili’s orders to shuffle pages and rewrite the “5 Ways to Fake It” article. And she puts the 3^rd way into immediate action by telling Alexis how fabulous she looks.

Daniel asks Wili to “scoot over,” and only a himbo like him would jockey for head position at a round table. But Wilhelmina Slater is not the sort of woman to “scoot” — she is the sort to make a hell of an exit, which she does, announcing that it’s only right for them to resume editorial duties, since she’ll soon be leaving to take over the entire company.

After she’s gone, acting creative director Sheila — Hey! Ileana Douglas is back — talks them through the January issue and mentions that cover girl Winona Ryder has left to do a movie, although it’s not clear if that means “she’s making one or just going to see one.” But Alexis says she’s got another idea for the cover.

Alexis: She’s big! She’s sexy! She’s outrageous! … Anna Nicole Smith! Bam!!!

Everybody snickers, but seriously, even dead, is she any worse than Winona Ryder? What was Winona’s great contribution to fashion anyway? The courtroom defendant headband? At least Anna Nicole Smith still has the air of tabloidy scandal around her. These days, with all the Lindsays and Parises and Nicoles and Britneys getting arrested all the time, Winona’s shoplifting is downright quaint, like instead of Mode, she could be on the cover of Family Circle in an article about how to make Christmas ornaments from all those plastic security sensors you “somehow” brought home.

After the meeting, Daniel finds Alexis in tears in the men’s room, her mascara running down so thickly she looks like one of those velvet paintings of a hobo. Assuring her that she’ll get the swing of it, he suggests she take the next day off and offers to go to the meeting with “Atlantic Attire” himself. Then he points out that they’re in the men’s room, which you could forgive Alexis for being confused about because, urinals aside, how many men’s rooms have cavernous lounge areas? And are bright orange? And urine-puddle free?

Bradford’s Office of the Living Dead. Even though it’s one of the hottest autumns on record, the fire is going full blast. Because without it, the cadaverous Bradford would have to gorge on human flesh to stay warm.

Bradford is playing golf in his office, when a stiletto puts a stop to his ball. It’s Wili, a woman who has clearly mastered advanced high heel aerodynamics. She wants to talk about her duties as co-chair of the company. Bradford says he’s surprised she wants to work, since Claire never showed much interest. “Except in drinking and murdering Fey,” Wili snarks. Hey, beats ceramics and pilates.

Bradford suggests Wili check out the other 22 Meade publications to see if there are any where she’d like a more “hands on” role. Then he tells her there’s something he could use some “hands on” help with right now. And offers her his shaft.

Cut to Betty and Daniel rushing to the elevator. Betty is reminding him about his various meetings, including his personal trainer at two, adding that “You know when I say personal trainer, it’s code for pedicure.” Given this is a fashion magazine, shouldn’t that be the other way around?

On his way into the elevator, Daniel asks Betty to read a series of submissions on “women’s empowerment,” and give her opinion, particularly on the “bear” article. What kind of weird fashion magazine is this anyway? Unless the bear is wearing the spring collection or has figured out how to lose tons of weight without actually dieting, I don’t think Mode’s readers will be interested.

Betty starts to get upset that Daniel hasn’t said anything about her story, but then he comes back out and assures her, with a grin and a thumbs up, that he loved it.

“He hated it!” Betty whines to Christina about Daniel’s reaction to her story, although Christina wonders why she should be so upset given he’d complimented it.

Betty explains that Daniel always gives the same thumbs up and cheesy grin when he’s lying. The show then cuts to this awesome montage of Daniel assuring Amanda he’ll call her, assuring his father he read a report, and assuring a dominatrix he’s ready to be her slave, each flashback ending with a goofy thumbs up freeze frame, which makes the whole thing like watching a series of Mentos commercials.