Ugly Betty Episode 205 Recap: “A League of Their Own”

Anyway, when Betty sees it’s a ham sandwich, her face lights up, providing Christina an opportunity to take a picture of her looking halfway decent. I guess that means that if she wants to look at all good on her date, she’d better hope he’s taking her to a pig roast.

Cut to Marc and Wili in her office, both dressed entirely in black, white, and grey. They look like one of those music videos where comic strip characters come to life and dance.

Marc notices that Wili doesn’t seem all that perturbed about Mode’s dire straits.

Wili: The first rule in ruining a magazine is stop caring.

That’s funny. I thought the first rule was don’t talk about Fight Club. Or maybe that’s the second?

Wili is so carefree these days, she’s decided to give Marc the plumb assignment of supervising the Valentino shoot.

Marc: Me? You’ve never asked me to supervise anything before. Wait a minute. Is this part of your plan to make the magazine suck?
Wili: Do you care? There’ll be male models in underwear.
Marc: Not if I have my way.

Cut to a glamorous magazine photo shoot. Marc makes a grand entrance through a rack of clothes, tossing aside his jacket.

Marc: Knock, knock.
Photographer: You’re late. Take off your clothes.
Marc: Easy sailor. Buy a girl a drink first.

The photographer explains he thought Marc was the model, and then Marc does this hilarious routine of male model poses culminating in slapping his own ass, leading me to wonder what sorts of magazines he’s been fantasizing about modeling for.

The flirtation between the two is off to a fine start, and the photographer introduces himself as “Cliff St. Paul.” I know that when pictures of this guy first showed up on AfterElton.com a few weeks ago, his appearance sparked a range of positive and negative comments. So I’m just going to make it clear from the start that I found this entire storyline with him and Marc absolutely charming and thought Cliff was totally adorable.

For one thing, he’s the only person on this show to dress like a real person. It’s like someone from my own world has magically transported himself into the fashionably fabulous world of the TV show, like a gayer version of Pleasantville. And as far as his looks …

Listen, I don’t mean this in any way to be offensive, but this is truly the best, most accurate way I can think of to describe him: he’s kind of hobbity. And that is not an insult! Hobbits are cute and sweet and huggable and we all know they’re totally gay. That was clear even at the beginning of the first movie when we learned they throw the best parties, love visiting bars in the village, and hate for anyone to borrow their jewelry.

The same hot bun model from earlier is also at the shoot, worried that the boxer briefs he’s wearing make him look fat. Actually, they do. In all the right places, which Marc can’t help but notice …

Marc: I’ll sign for that package.
Cliff: Please let him be dumb. He can’t have everything.
Hot Buns (laughing sheepishly): Oh! I put ’em on backwards.

Marc leaps up to help him, which gives new meaning to the concept of providing ass-istance. I’m thrilled to see how, after weeks and weeks of being the good fairy who helps everybody else out with their issues, Marc is finally allowed to have a libido. It’s like seeing a neutered terrier suddenly humping his toys.

Cut to Casa Suarez. Papi comes home to find Hilda surrounded by three very old ladies who are not at all spunky or young at heart like senior citizens on TV are federally mandated to be. They’re her new friends she met at the cemetery, and they’ve come over to join in all the fun of making a quilt out of their dead husbands’ shirts.

I was going to make a crack about them being just like the Golden Girls, except Papi beat me to it. But we’re actually both wrong, because they’re more like the Golden Girls 30 years and several hospital stays later.