Ugly Betty Episode 205 Recap: “A League of Their Own”

And speaking of that merry murderess … In the Hamptons, Claire is keeping herself busy by drinking and getting all snoopy, going through the mail of the house’s rightful owners. She spies an invitation with her own home address on it and opens it to find an invitation for Wili and Bradford’s wedding.

And for no reason at all, I’m sure, the camera focuses on a bunch of guns hanging on the wall. Who in the Hamptons keeps guns around like that anyway? Maybe Dick Cheney’s staying there?

Casa Suarez. Hilda prepares to go out to dinner with the gals. At 3:15 in the afternoon, which is basically a midnight snack for them. Papi asks what she’s doing hanging out with these crones. Given that the only action he’s had in years came from a deranged social worker, maybe he should give some of these women a closer look; it’s not like he’s going to meet any other eligible females in his kitchen. And these gals come with wills and DNRs at the ready.

Hilda explains that, unlike her regular friends, the widows understand the grief she’s feeling. When Papi points out how much Justin needs her, she insists he’s fine.

Back at Mode. Daniel and Alexis blah blah blah who should ask for money from Bradford zzzzzzzz. Ever since the car accident, I find these two and their problems totally boring. Can’t one of them please, please show up dating Kathy Griffin next week?

Mode Accounting. Kenny tells Henry he’s got bad news about his “old lady.”

Henry: Oh my God! My mom? Did she fall again?
Kenny: No. I’m talking about Betty.
Henry: Oh my God! Did Betty fall again?

Kenny, who you can tell is the kind of guy who loves nothing better than being a total buzz kill to his friends, tells him that Betty is going on a bowling date. Tonight. With a dude.

Cut to a pretty fabulous montage of bowling images. I’m hoping they’re going to break into my favorite number from Grease 2, “Score Tonight,” which features the utterly brilliant lyrics, “We’re gonna rock, we’re gonna roll, we’re gonna bop, we’re gonna bowl.” Eat that, Music Man!

NiceGuy47 finds Betty, and you can tell it’s him because he looks 47 or like he was born in 1947. He seems surprised that she looks different from her picture. Has he never been on an Internet date before? Who shows up expecting the person to actually look like their picture?

As the date progresses, he seems more and more put off by her, like he’s such a prize. When she gets a phone call from Christina, he takes advantage of the opportunity to ditch her. NiceGuy indeed. See, this is where straight online dating is so different from gay. If they’d met at a gay site, they could at least have gone home and done it anyway before ditching each other and there’d be no hard feelings.

But at least a truly nice guy is nearby. It’s Henry! Yay!

Meanwhile, after Christina hangs up on Betty, she gets an IM from some classy guy calling himself “FishandChicks” who accuses her of not really being single. How does he know? Because he’s her husband, the mental case she mentioned she ran away from in last season’s finale. I’m hoping this means Christina might now actually have an interesting storyline ahead of her. With any luck, he’ll either kill her or be played by some hottie Scottie like James McAvoy.

Back at Mode. Marc, preparing for his date with Gus the underwear model, is showing Amanda a new jacket he swiped from the closet that he’s wearing with a bow tie and poorly hemmed pants. He’d better hope Gus is turned on by Pee Wee Herman.

Amanda, for her part, is pretty skeptical that the model actually agreed to this. Maybe she didn’t realize that, while Gus might not be Rhodes Scholar material, he is smart enough to know that when your work supervisor asks you out, it’s probably a good idea to say yes.

Amanda: I want proof! Oooh, send me a dirty cell phone picture. But not your parts again. That was gross.
Marc (calling after her): Yeah, well your left one’s bigger.

Cliff shows up and is surprised to hear Marc is going out with someone else when they’re supposed to be going to the movies. Marc’s explanation is that he and Gus have plans for an actual date unlike … and then he realizes Cliff thought it was a date too. Awk-ward.