Ugly Betty Episode 205 Recap: “A League of Their Own”

Bowling Alley of Broken Hearts. Henry goes up to the now-abandoned Betty and explains he just happens to be there for league night with the accounting team, the “Debitz.” When Betty says she’s on a date, he mentions he heard the guy talking on the phone about having to run out to – get this – attend to his sick pet bird. I guess Charlie does all the heavy lying in that couple.

They decide to bowl together as “just friends,” when, awesomely, an announcer says it’s time for “couples’ bowl,” and the lights go down and this disco ball falls and this funky music starts playing and everyone around them starts making out. I’m guessing everyone is going to score tonight. But Betty and Henry decide to ditch.

The Hamptons. The Fish Monger can’t find Claire anywhere in the house! But then she sees the wedding invitation on the floor. And it’s a testament to how well she knows Claire at this point that her immediate reaction is to check the gun wall. I probably would have checked the liquor cabinet. Anyway, Yoga sees that one gun is missing.

Mode Elevator. Cliff is about to leave but then decides to give Marc a piece of his mind. He points out that when someone asks you out for drinks and a movie, it’s officially a date. And if you’re going for drinks and a movie and it’s the second date, it’s officially foreplay.

Cliff (to Marc): You’re such a cliché. You and Gus? What is that? That’s beauty and beauty. Now beauty and the beast, that’s a fairy tale … In 20 years that guy candy is going to turn into this [gestures at self]. I just got there a little sooner … You know Marc, I thought there was more to you. My mistake.

Interesting come-on strategy … sort of a combination pity party and guilt trip. Hey, whatever works.

Cut to stately Meade Manor. Alexis and Daniel come in and are greeted by Bradford and hostess Wili, who offers the episode’s best line: “Mommy made fondue!”

We see Wili through sniper cross-hairs. Oh no! Wili can’t die! I’m hoping Claire is a lousy shot and instead kills … well, I’d be happy with pretty much anyone else in that room.

Wili makes everyone put on Santa hats and take a Christmas photo, while Alexis keeps having those black-and-white, arty-looking memory-flash things that amnesia victims always get on TV before a major breakthrough.

Meanwhile, the Fish Monger finds Claire camped out in the bushes outside, like that joke-cracking Nazi from Laugh-In. Seeing everyone inside happily hating each other, Claire realizes that “the woman who ruined my life did what I never could. She brought them together. They’re a family.” So she decides to free Wili and go with Yoga to Italy instead. Hallelujah! Someone on this show is finally showing some sense. Oooh, maybe she’ll even bring back cannoli.

Back to the Oldest Living Queens Widows, fast asleep on the couch after a busy day of quilting, complaining, and gumming pureed foods. At least Hilda thinks they’re sleeping, but just to be sure, she holds a mirror up under one’s nose.

Sirens ring and there’s a knock at the door. It’s a rather friendly policewoman bringing a rather sullen Justin home. She reports he was out joy riding with his friends and crashed into a tree. Realizing she has to step up as a mother, Hilda kicks the old ladies out.