Ugly Betty Episode 206 Recap: “Something Wicked This Way Comes”

It’s the Wicked episode! The one that ABC’s been relentlessly promoting with that terrible singing announcer. Between that and the fact Wicked comes up so much on Brothers & Sisters, I was starting to suspect ABC was readying a new Wicked-inspired mid-season series called, I don’t know, Viva Elphaba! or maybe Oz Rock.

I was also figuring that Wicked would present an ideal opportunity for some sort of Betty/Brothers crossover, like when the Love Boat docked at Fantasy Island to drop off Loni Anderson. I kept picturing Kevin Walker in the audience seated next to Justin, who’d teach him all about how it’s okay to be gayer.

No such luck, but still a “wicked awesome” episode, as Henry would put it. It’s tough for me not to love any TV show that manages to incorporate showtunes; other than the spinster aunts and Kristin Chenowith, that’s pretty much the only thing that keeps me stomaching Pushing Daisies.

We open on Betty getting busted by Papi as she tries to sneak out of the house. I’m guessing that as a straight-A goody-two-shoes, she never did this kind of thing when she was a teen, unless it was to escape the stench of Papi’s fried foods or the deafening sounds of Hilda’s sex life.

Papi and Justin drag her into the kitchen to surprise Hilda after her first day working at Bumble and Bumble. I know it’s this chic, exclusive salon, but the name always cracks me up, like it should really be a shop in Santa’s Village.

If we’re lucky, the fact he’s ditched the hoodie and hostile attitude means evil Justin is gone and fab Justin is back.

Justin: Tell me about Bumble. I heard one time Beyonce went in there to get her weave tightened, but Fergie wanted the appointment, so she totally bitch-slapped her.

Yep, he’s back. Papi, though, takes offense at the term “bitch-slap,” although Justin points out it’s the only word for it. I don’t know about that. How about “skank-spank”?

Outside, Betty finds Henry hiding in the trash like Oscar the Grouch’s accountant. I honestly don’t know what Betty’s thinking hiding him outside, since it drastically reduces the chance he’ll take off his shirt, which I’m hoping will become a weekly, defining element of this show, like gaping plot holes on Lost and wooden acting on Heroes.

She explains she has to stay in with her family and can’t go out with him that night, leading him to wonder why they’re keeping their relationship a secret. Betty says she doesn’t want to hear lectures from everybody about how stupid it is and how she’ll get her heart broken. Which it is and which she will. Still, since when does she care what other people think? Hasn’t the defining element of her character always been marching to the beat of her own ugly drummer?

And while we’re on the subject, wasn’t she also supposed to be above all the petty shallowness of fashion? Then why, as my wise, wonderful partner recently pointed out to me, does she have so many clothes? Seriously, she never wears the same outfit twice. In fact, the ensemble she wears throughout much of this episode is a brown-and-white patterned number that’s downright fashionable, especially when compared to Amanda, who’s draped in beads and looking like a deranged bag lady. Between the clothes and the lying and the lust, our sweet Betty is certainly going through some changes.

Anyway, the next day at Mode, Betty’s got Henry on the brain and kind of wants Christina’s advice but can’t come right out and say what’s going on. So she yammers on about how sometimes you’re craving a drink you know you shouldn’t have, leading Christina to assume this is the start of some sort of intervention. So Betty switches the analogy to craving donuts, but a brief, awkward run-in with Henry is all it takes for Christina to figure out, “He’s your donut!”