Ugly Betty Episode 206 Recap: “Something Wicked This Way Comes”

Even more of a shock to Christina, Betty admits she still hasn’t given her donut any sugar. So Christina offers to use herself as a cover story so Betty can finally go on a real date alone with Henry.

Christina: Use me as your cover tonight. But you’ve got to take that donut and bite it and dunk it in your coffee and get it warm and wet and bite into it again … Oh God, I need a drink!
Betty: I need a donut!

And I need both. Back in a minute … Ahhh. That’s better. Where was I?

Oh, right. Conference Room a la Mode. Bradford, Alexis, and Daniel are meeting to brainstorm ways to save Mode, which for Bradford means coming up with ways to blame and belittle his son. He says that if Daniel had any sense, he would have found a way to keep Atlantic Attire on through the time-tested business techniques of deceit and treachery.

Alexis suggests trying to get some big players lined up for the next issue, and remembers how she had some major connections back when she was Alex and running Hudson. They’re always carrying on about what a success Hudson was, but I seriously doubt that, especially with that name. I mean how many river enthusiasts could there be to warrant a whole magazine devoted to it? Or maybe it was an Oprah-like vanity project inspired by beloved fourth Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson?

The Halls of Mode. Betty, mid-text message to Henry, bumps smack into Six Feet Under’s Rico. Yes, yes, it’s actually “Gio.” But if they couldn’t make an effort to come up with a name that’s more of a departure from Rico than that, why should I be bothered?

He’s cute but no less irritating than last time we saw him. I know they wanted to introduce romantic complications for Betty and make him substantially different than Henry. But they’re pushing the whole Sam-and-Diane “annoying the hell out of each other” dynamic way too hard. Rather than evidencing any kind of sexual undercurrent, they just come across as bickering siblings. At this point, I can’t believe she’d ever willingly sleep with him, unless it’s a desperate measure to shut him up for 10 minutes.

Anyway, Betty and I both wonder what Rico’s doing prowling the halls of Mode again. He proudly holds up a flyer announcing the opening of Gio’s Sandwiches. Betty suggests he spice up the name a bit, mentioning that her favorite donut place is called “A Hole Lotta Fun,” which Rico says is also the name of a strip club. It would also make an awesome name for a mini-golf range or proctology practice.

The flyer has a childish drawing of some sort of food item on it – it’s either a pickle, a taco, or a freakish hybrid of the two (a “paco”? a “tickle”?) – and it’s smiling like it just can’t wait to have somebody devour it. I have a thing about anthropomorphizing food like this, which I think is just about the dumbest thing you can do in advertising, like who really wants to be confronted with the possibility that something they’re eating might come to life and break into a tap dance?

On the other hand, when Betty suggests the name “Hero Worship” and a mascot of a little sandwich muscle-man, I realize I’d be only too happy to have him spring to life while my mouth’s around him. Especially if he’s modeled on Henry.

Betty quickly ditches Rico to go talk to Daniel, who says he’s got a brilliant plan to show up Alexis and save Mode himself. He asks Betty to get the best leads from the ad sales department. Just like in Glengarry Glen Ross! If Daniel plays this right, he might win a set of steak knives or get to be ridiculed by Alec Baldwin about his crappy car.

Cut to Marc lighting hundreds of scented candles all over Wili’s office, because Mode, in keeping with the policy of granting fired employees free reign to roam the hallways distributing personal propaganda, is the kind of casual work environment where people can light small fires wherever they like.

Amanda: Hey, party in the Village last night. You would not believe whose boob popped out.
Marc: Need to know. Not now. Code Fuchsia.
Amanda (gasps): You got someone pregnant?!
Marc: No, that’s Code Never … Wili’s daughter Nico called. She’s not coming to the wedding.

Although Amanda promises to support him, when she hears Wili approaching, she bolts from the room so fast you’d think someone had announced a Versace sample sale.