Ugly Betty Episode 206 Recap: “Something Wicked This Way Comes”

Cut to Betty on the phone begging for tickets to a sold-out Wicked. She tells the ticket agent she can’t go to Mama Mia instead because Wicked is special and “ABBA means nothing.” I can’t believe she said that! Take away ABBA and The Carpenters and my entire karaoke repertoire is shot to hell.

Realizing Daniel is standing there and very interested in the conversation, particularly the part about her boyfriend, Betty shrieks and hangs up. She tells Daniel that the boyfriend in question is not, in fact, Henry. No. That boy is … That boy! And she points across the room at Rico.

Meanwhile, Bridezilla’s terrifying rampage continues. “Marc! This is a disaster,” an enraged Wili screams. She’s upset about the party favors, which were supposed to be little boxes containing a white chocolate heart next to a dark chocolate heart to fit in with the “Ebony and Ivory” wedding theme. Instead, she says, “that idiot wedding planner has gone and segregated them.”

Wili: What do we want?
Marc: Integrated chocolates!
Wili: When do we want them?
Marc: Now!

And after the wedding, they can move onto securing civil unions for Gummi Bears.

Wili says she’s going to have to do all the work herself, and Marc seizes this as an opportunity to avoid going out with Cliff by offering to stay late and help. Wili is surprised Marc doesn’t have any “gay plans” for the night. But she’s in luck. Marc can take a night off from arranging flowers, styling hair, sipping daiquiris, wearing ascots, advising neighbors on their romantic problems, snapping, and making witty comebacks to do something “not gay” like help plan a wedding.

He calls Cliff to break the news about working late for Wili, saying, “What can I do? … I know … She totally is … With a capital ‘C’.” I can’t believe they even implied that word on primetime network television. But then again, I’m sure those conservative hysterics who use the cause of protecting innocent children as an excuse to watch TV all day long are too clueless to even get the reference.

Cut to Daniel bringing Betty a sandwich. He takes the roll off to reveal an ad for Wicked lying on top of the meat. It’s the Broadway deli’s most popular sandwich! Because the one for The Producers is too hammy, the one for Phantom too cheesy, Les Miz is way too overstuffed, and the one for the latest Grease revival is just stale leftovers.

Actually, this is just Daniel’s dramatic way of showing her he was able to get her Wicked tickets. Amanda arranged it, he says, because she’s got all sorts of theater contacts. I’m guessing these date back to her “acting” days, when she managed to “audition” on the couch of every producer in the city.

Close-up of a Playbill cover that some girl is showing to Justin. Awww. Justin, as many of us have done ourselves, has traded having a girlfriend for having a fag hag. Of course, for most of us, she was usually the same person.

It seems this girl doesn’t know Justin all that well yet, because she actually tries to hustle him out of his original Gypsy Playbill with Ethel Merman by offering up her Fiddler on the Roof with Harvey Fierstein. She has no idea who she’s dealing with. Justin ain’t buying, and explains he’s going to sell the Gypsy some day to go to college or “Billy Elliot school.”

This other chunky kid with glasses comes in, and it’s starting to look like a meeting of The Goonies. The kid can’t wait to tell Justin that his father saw Hilda, not at the chic Bumble salon, but working tables at a Hooters-clone called “High Beams.” He’s even got it on cellphone video, and he shows it to an understandably mortified Justin.

Back at Mode, Betty tells Daniel the Prada people are waiting to meet with him and points out a rather severe trio who look like they’ve popped in from The Matrix. I kind of love them.

Daniel casually mentions that he gave the Wicked tickets directly to Betty’s new boyfriend Rico. D’oh! Now Betty’s got two dates on the same night, just like Peter Brady in that one episode where he double-booked babes and learned a valuable lesson about being a two-timing a*hole.