Ugly Betty Episode 207 Recap: “A Nice Day for a Posh Wedding”

On the way out the door, Hilda reminds Betty that it’s Papi’s citizenship ceremony the next day. “Thanks to me,” Betty says, and tells her the whole story about betraying Daniel to get a favor from Wili. She makes Hilda swear to keep it a secret. Yeah, I’m sure that’ll last.

Cut to Amanda and Marc reading tabloids about the wedding guests. Amanda is upset she’s not mentioned, since she’s “as classy as they are. I’ve got class coming out the pooper.” She’s also wearing what looks like a uniform left over from her years in all-girls naughty school.

Amanda (to Marc): You are supposed to be my PR bitch. My 15 minutes are almost over … We’ve talked about an Amanda doll, a singing career, rehab …

And don’t forget a reality show on VH1, the network designed for people with class coming out their poopers.

She orders Marc to work on making her famous and threatens to “twist off [his] nipples with a wrench,” leading him to wonder “why all the interest in my boys.” Oh, grow up Marc, and call things by their rightful names. You should know your “boys” really means your balls. And your nipples are actually “Mt. Tittiecocka” and “Mr. Pointy When Pleasured.”

Meanwhile, a guy asks Amanda if she “ken help er bloke out thas’ doon to his las’ floggin’.” He’s obviously Christina’s long-lost Scottie, and he’s kind of hot, with this sort of scruffy, denimed look and five o’clock shadow (or as they call it in Scotland, a “17:00 hrs. shadow”) that makes him look like a cross between Indiana Jones and The Hitcher.

Cut to a bewildered-looking Christina, stunned to find herself in the middle of an actual storyline and having to do something other than say, “What are you going to do now, Betty?”

She sees her former McHubby, shrieks, and pushes Betty inside the secret Love Dungeon to hide. She explains she hasn’t seen “Stuart” in five years, since the day she said she was going out for dog food and never came back.

Betty: You have a secret husband? And a secret sex room? Oh my God, you totally trumped my Dad thing.

Meanwhile, McHubby traipses right into the Mode closet which, as you’d only assume would be the case given all the designer couture kept there, doesn’t even have a door much less a lock.

Cut to a bridal dress fitting inexplicably being held in Wili’s office. Vera Wang actually shows up in person in this episode, and she’s designed all the dresses, which everybody spends a lot of time discussing and admiring. In other words, Vera Wang is this week’s Wicked.

Marc tries to get her to high-five him, but she scoffs, “I don’t do that.” Then he tries to “Booty Bop” her. I don’t know what that means but it sounds nasty.