Ugly Betty Episode 207 Recap: “A Nice Day for a Posh Wedding”

I want to thank frequent-AE-poster Dave for pointing out that Dwayne is played by former-NBA-star Rick Fox, who happens to be Vanessa Williams’ ex. That’s something I would never have known otherwise, unless the two of them had done a stint in Chicago a la Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna. Knowing their history does lend these sex scenes between them extra fascination. If only all exes got along so well. Are you watching, Denise and Charlie?

Dwayne wants more nookie, but Wili kicks him out of bed with a “Beat it. Mama’s weave can’t get sweaty on her big day.” She does allow him to shower, just so long as he doesn’t use the good shampoo.

She turns on the TV only to hear all about how Posh set Gotham ablaze, partying it up all night in her maid-of-honor dress; miraculously, she’s managed to transform the fugly dress into the fabulous through a cunning use of accessories. Seeing how she’s done this just might be the most valuable thing any of us ever learn from this or any TV show.

Casa Suarez. Justin tells Papi that if he goes ahead with his plan to wear a U.S. flag necktie he’ll leave the country.

Papi’s upset that Betty didn’t even call on his big day. So Hilda, demonstrating even less ability to keep her mouth closed than a closeted politician in an airport men’s room, spills the beans about how Betty got him his Visa in the first place. What did that take, like half a day?

Cut to the Secret Sex Room … which has just been used for actual, sweaty, sloppy, secret Scottish sex. Eww. I hope there’s a secret washer and dryer somewhere in there, otherwise Amanda and Halston are in for a nasty surprise the next time they lie down to cuddle.

At least we learn Fey was shrewd enough to put a bathroom in, as Stuart excuses himself to go “use the loo,” whatever that means. While he’s up, Christina snoops in his bag and — gasp! — finds a syringe. She’s surprised, given he said he’s sober. Maybe he’s kicking addictions in alphabetical order and isn’t up to “H” yet?

Cut to Henry and Betty getting along just swell living together. We know this because they’re lying in bed spooning, as opposed to the universal television symbol of bad relationships — sleeping back-to-back. They’re asleep with their glasses off, which may be why it’s the first time I’ve noticed they have the exact same eyebrows. Then again, they say couples start to look alike after awhile. So Marc better start watching his love handles.

Betty refuses a call from Papi. We know this because her cell phone has conveniently come with a “reject the father who loved and raised you, you ungrateful whore” option right on the screen.

Henry wakes up and covers his mouth, telling Betty he was planning to brush before she woke up. “Don’t be silly,” she says. “You should be comfortable with who you are.” Oh Betty, that’s what you tell Justin, not your boyfriend. Let the man brush the stank breath away before you kiss him! In a day or two, you’ll be lucky to get him to replace the toilet paper.

They kiss and laugh and talk about their thrilling plan to spend Saturday going to brunch in the Village and then the Transit Museum. If the wait at the brunch place is typical of downtown, they’d better hope the museum is still open Monday morning.

Henry makes a face at this plan, not because he doesn’t love transit museums — really, who doesn’t? — but because he thinks Betty should really go to Papi’s ceremony. Betty gets the teensiest bit annoyed that he’s not listening to her. Welcome to co-habitation.

Not-So-Virginal Bridal Suite. Daniel shows up at Wili’s door to return the rings to his father, since he’s now refusing to go to the wedding.

Wili: Oh, what a shame. I guess I’ll have to do our mother-son dance with Alexis.

She tells him Bradford is staying in another room, what with her being such an “old-fashioned girl.” Who’s carrying on like she’s in the world’s oldest profession.

Just then, there’s a tell-tale FLUSH. Wili pushes Daniel out, claiming it was just Posh using the loo.

Wili: Spice Girl can’t handle spicy foods. Go figure.

Suspicious, Daniel waits out in the hallway and sees Dwayne leaving the room.

Mode, off-hours. Betty and Henry show up looking for a Transit Museum coupon that entitles them to a free subway system shower curtain. Betty thinks it might help Hilda finally master the A-train. I’d think she’d look pretty funny on the subway carrying around a shower curtain, but I’ve seen weirder. At least the shower curtain isn’t alive.

They find Daniel ransacking Wili’s office looking for some kind of proof about her affair with Dwayne.