Ugly Betty Episode 208 Recap: "I See Me, I.C.U."

Then, she sees Yoga, who now tries to pass herself off as the exterminator, which is a nice promotion, since I’d guess they make more than cable guys. Maybe next time she can make herself the Maytag repairman. Claire, appalled by an even lamer cover, comes out of hiding to call Yoga the worst fugitive in the world.

Meanwhile, back at Mode, Betty and Henry arrive outside of Bradford’s office and, after bickering about how she’s being all bossy, decide to kiss and make up. Just then, the office doors open, giving Wili and Marc front-row seats at the makeout session.

Wili: If I ate lunch, now would be the time to lose it.

Oh Wili, that’s nothing. At least you didn’t have to see Henry and L’Amanda going at it like the rest of us did.

Wili and Betty both wonder what the other one is doing there. When Wili says she’s looking for a memento by which to remember her “dying husband,” Henry corrects her, saying, “Technically, fiancé.” Wili chillingly responds, “That’s one.” At the time, I didn’t even really get what this meant (it becomes apparent later in the episode). But let me tell you that if I were the one she directed this at, I’d be changing my underwear right about now. I guess Henry is made of stronger stuff than me.

Betty says they’re looking for a memento as well, and they all proceed into the office and start searching. Tango music plays in the background, as Betty & Henry, and Wili & Marc, circle around one another warily, eyeing each other like couples at a suburban key party.

Pretty quickly, Wili starts to lose patience …

Wili: Let’s end this. I can’t stand another minute in this room with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Diego. Obviously you want to find the will for Daniel … Why don’t we agree to find the will, read it, shake hands, wash our hands, and go on with our lives.

Betty agrees to this plan, revealing the will is in the safe and she got the combination from Claire.

Wili: I just want to be done here and go back to mourning my late husband.
Henry: Um, he’s not dead yet, and once again, you’re not technically married.
Wili: That’s two.
Marc: Just know that people don’t make it to three.

Betty opens the safe, but it’s empty. D’oh! Or as Wili says, “Oh, balls.”

Betty and Marc both realize at the exact same moment that the will is probably in the secret sex room. And then Marc does this brilliantly executed Three Stooges routine where he gets Betty to lean over to pick up her glasses and then pushes Henry over her. “Come on Curly,” he says to Wili, locking Betty and Henry in the office. “Right behind you Moe,” she responds. Or maybe she means ’mo?

Back at Casa Suarez, Hilda and Papi are wondering how the fugitives are going to make it out of the country, especially since Claire looks nothing like the woman in the stolen passport she’s planning on using. This makes Claire the perfect guinea pig for Hilda to test out her newly-acquired and still-amateurish-bordering-on-life-threatening beauty skills.

When she’s done, they spin Claire around and she looks just like … I was going to say Lanie Kazan, but Papi offers up Chita Rivera which is just as good. He also says he has a thing for Chita, which better not come up the next time Rita Moreno guest stars or things could get ugly. You don’t want to get in the middle of an “I’d Like to Be in America” roof-top dance-off between those two, trust me.

I.C.U. Daniel comes in to find a tearful Alexis encouraging Bradford to stop fighting and head towards the light. Daniel says, “No! Don’t go to the light. Light bad!” Hey, maybe Carol-Anne’s there! Carol-Anne, can you hear me? It’s Mommy! Don’t go into the light! The Beast will get you and we’ll never be able to finish our in-ground pool!

Just then, Bradford wakes up all “I’m not dead yet.” I was hoping this would naturally progress to other Monty Python bits about shrubbery, the French, and silly walks. Instead, we just get sappy hospital scenes. Sigh. Where’s a killer bunny when you need one?

Meanwhile, back in Bradford’s office, Henry is upset that everybody knew about the “big fancy sex room” except for him. “It’s just like freshman year all over again,” he pouts.