Ugly Betty Episode 208 Recap: "I See Me, I.C.U."

This time, though, it’s Bradford who objects to the proceedings. Before he goes through with the ceremony, he wants Wili to look him in the eye and say she didn’t have an affair with Dwayne. Which she does. But she’s not doing a good job of selling, and he ain’t buyin’. “You’ve never loved me,” he realizes, and then orders them out of the room.

Betty rushes in, relieved she won’t have to stop yet another wedding. Bradford tells her the only person he ever loved was Claire, and Betty calls Claire on her cell phone so he can tell her himself. I’m pretty sure hospital I.C.U.s aren’t too keen on cell phones, which can seriously screw up all those “beep beep beep” machines. But I guess even the nurses have written Bradford off at this point and don’t much care.

In the elevator, Claire hangs up the phone and, despite Daniel’s objections, prepares to go see Bradford. She says she’d rather spend the rest of her life in jail than give up a chance to see her philandering, practically dead husband one last time. Both those choices suck. What happened to the trip to Italy? Is that option off the table? She’d be one lousy contestant on Let’s Make a Deal.

As she exits the elevator, the paparazzi go crazy taking her picture. What are they all doing camped out there anyway? Are the tabloids really that interested in some old publishing magnate kicking the bucket? Don’t they have some skanky, out-of-control former Mouseketeers to follow around?

Claire goes to Bradford’s room, and he apologizes for being such a dick all their lives. She remembers that on the day they got married all those years ago, she knew he’d break her heart. No wonder she started drinking. But she says she’s ready to do it all again with him. If that’s what she’s hoping, then they’d better hurry. Because I’d say it’s only a matter of moments before this tender reunion is spoiled by the arrival of the police, the Grim Reaper, or both.

Meanwhile, Daniel tells Betty he finally understands why she couldn’t tell him about Wili’s affair. Even better, he wants her to come back to work. But Betty surprises both him and me by turning him down.

Betty: I’m changing into someone that I don’t want to be.
Daniel: You’re leaving?
Betty: I think I have to.

They look up just in time to catch the heartwarming scene of Claire being dragged away by the police. Daniel tells Betty to wait with his father while he runs after Claire, and for some reason Betty still feels compelled to follow his orders.

Betty goes to Bradford’s bedside. This was the part where I started hoping he was going to tell her he was leaving Meade Publications to her in the will, which would have been awesome. Then she could just fire L’Amanda and keep Henry locked up in the Secret Sex Room. Instead, he wants her to promise she’ll always be there to take care of Daniel. Lucky Betty, getting to devote her entire life to helping some privileged white guy further his career. Why don’t they just change the name of the show to “Driving Mr. Meade.”

And then Bradford finally, mercifully croaks for good.

Hey, you know what this totally humorless, maudlin episode really needs? A montage of everybody looking sad. And let’s have Bono wailing in the background too. Perfect.

Sorry to sound so cranky. But with so few episodes remaining, I’m bummed about having to sit through what feels like a sub-par episode, especially after the last few have been so outstanding. But even sub-par Betty has its moments, including …

A surprising, gruesome epilogue … as see Wili go into the morgue and talk to a handsome young doctor, who confirms she’s looking at Bradford’s covered corpse.

Wili: You look like a young doctor fresh out of medical school. You must have some loans. I have a proposition you might be interested in.