Ugly Betty Episode 210 Recap: “Bananas for Betty”

Cut to security dragging Halston away, while Amanda holds out her arms and wails, “Nooooo!!!!!” Then she perks up, happily asking the security guy if he can walk Halston for her. When he says he can’t, she goes back to wailing. Then she declares war.

Hilda walks by holding a box filled with pilfered office supplies. Frowning, Betty tells Hilda she was only supposed to make color copies, not ransack the supply closet. Hilda proudly holds up a flier for her salon, which reads, “Hilda’s Beautilities. We give good hair.”

She says she’s got a good feeling about the salon; when she heard a beauty school burned down and could donate a slightly singed rinse sink, it was like God Himself was looking out for her. Either that or He’s hoping she’ll help Him finally do something about all that gray hair.

Hilda remembers she needs to pick up the sink, and wonders if Betty’s “little friend with the van” can help her out.

Cut to Wili dumping the Slater mock-up in a trashcan on the street. Some homeless guy is going to learn more than he ever imagined about hair extensions and snake-skin accessories. She’s furious that the investors turned her down because of an “image problem.” Marc points out that she has had some pretty bad press lately, what with falling into her fiancé’s grave and all. But he’s got a plan …

Marc: We can change your image. C’mon. It’s the media age! We can do it overnight. Britney Spears shaves something, or shows something, or shows something shaved, and it’s around the world in seconds … Trust me, lady. I can make you Mother Teresa. With better boobs.

See, this is why it’s always a good idea to have a spare gay on hand. I’m sure Wili’s kept Marc on all this time for just such a purpose.

Casa Suarez. Hilda and Betty are in the midst of transforming the back porch into a salon. So far, they’ve painted it pink, put out a couple of bewigged heads, and imported a leopard-patterned chair. So I’d say that it’s already a smashing success, at least in terms of camp value.

Gio/Rico comes in hauling the new hand-me-down sink, and gripes that he only hears from Betty when she needs something from him. Upgrading what we had previously been told was a “kiosk” into a “deli,” he wonders why Betty never comes in for a sandwich. Gee, Rico, maybe it’s because you’re always such an ass. Just a guess.

He also snarks about Henry being an “egg salad,” meaning white-bread boring. But Betty insists Henry does fun things, like coordinating the sundae toppings to whatever movie they’re going to watch. She explains how for Walk the Line, a movie about Johnny Cash, he cleverly chopped up cashews.

Hey, I have a friend who does that too! Every time there’s a Harry Potter movie on, he’s inspired by the word “Potter” to do something involving rolling paper. Come to think of it, he usually winds up eating ice cream too. And everything else in his kitchen.

Rico snickers that he can’t believe this is what Henry’s doing with Betty in the little time they have left. Then he goes on about all the sexy things he’d do in his place, making a point of how any ice cream involved would be eaten off of somebody’s stomach. Throughout this hammy monologue, cheesy saxophone music plays in the background like we’re in a low-rent version of some Tennessee Williams play.

But Hilda and Betty both seem to be buying this load of crap. And when salsa music starts playing (from where, I have no idea; maybe one of the wig heads is a transistor radio), Rico grabs Betty and starts thrusting his groin against her. Hilda says they look good together, just as Rico dips Betty, just as Henry comes in. And he does not look happy.