Ugly Betty Episode 210 Recap: “Bananas for Betty”

Betty then decides to drip scalding hot fudge on him, and if that’s the kind of thing they’re into, isn’t there an entire love dungeon sitting empty? She tries to lick it up and burns her tongue, while he leaps up yelping in pain.

Henry: This is crazy! How is this better than the night I planned?

Well, for one, your shirt is off. And for another, your girlfriend is straddling you. How much nookie did you think you were going to get after Fassbinder? Betty says she just wanted to do something fun and memorable, like go out dancing. He says that if that’s what she really wants, he’ll go along with it.

Cut to Mode after hours. We see people suiting up American-Gladiator style. It’s the two paintball teams, and for uniforms, they’ve apparently dipped into Mode’s extensive UnderArmour and sporting goods supplies. The result looks like the Fantastic Four on a ski vacation.

Daniel is captain of the blue team, with Amanda by his side. Alexis’ team is yellow, and she’s got Deputy Leo and Harold & Kumar’s Harold. The rules are simple. Fight to the death. And the captain of the last team standing takes control of Meade. I’m thinking that true leadership might involve preventing people from destroying your office building playing paintball. And in that respect, Daniel is the winner, because he announces they’re going to take a bus to the paintball field.

But then they find out that a coming rain storm has closed the field down. Seriously? Called for rain? Do paint and water suddenly not mix? Alexis doesn’t care about any of that. She says they’re still playing. Right there and starting now.

This leads H&K’s Harold to launch into one of his rap routines about “Alexis, big as Texas. She knows what it’s like to be both sexes.” Hearing this, Alexis does what we all wish we could and shoots him. Then shooting erupts all over the place, as the remaining players duck and cover.

Cut to the entrance of Wili’s apartment building. Marc and Wili are going out to dinner to celebrate their success with The Investors. Seeing it’s about to rain, Wili sends Marc up for her umbrella.

She spots a cab and, just as a woman bundled in rain gear is about to get in, does what any New Yorker would in this situation and jumps in first.

Old Woman: You’re very rude.
Wili: And you’re wearing plastic.
Old Woman: I’m going to be late.
Wili: And I’m going to get wet. I’m Wilhelmina Slater, and I don’t get wet.

That’s not what Dwayne said. Hoo-hah!

Wili slams the door on the old woman’s hand, and the cab actually starts to drive off while she screams in pain. Wili then opens the door, sending the woman falling over backwards, before the cab speeds away.

Two guys come over and say they caught the whole thing on their cell phone camera. And the fact that one of them is carrying a small dog and the other one instantly recognizes the woman as Betty White is all you need to know to figure out which team they’re batting for. And in case you couldn’t, they then ask for her picture and announce that she’s their favorite Golden Girl. Mine was Dorothy, because being bitter and judgmental is just more me than slutty or dumb.

The best thing about this scene, by the way, is that, in a clear homage to Golden Girls, a bus in the background displays an ad for a TV show called “Golden Vixens … They solve crimes and judge wines.”