Torchwood Recap 108: "They Keep Killing Suzie"

Helter skelter —A murder has shattered the cookie-cutter tranquility of one of Cardiff's idylic suburbs. In front of a house, police stand about or hold nosy neighbors back behind the crime scene tape. Emergency vehicles are parked randomly on the lawn with their engines off, lights still flashing. Torchwood's SUV comes racing down the street and screeches to a stop in front of the house. Everyone piles out. Have no fear, people — Jack Harness has arrived.

A plain-clothes female detective gives the whole gang an annoyed smirk as they approach her. She introduces herself as Detective Swanson while giving them all the evil eye.

Jack: I'm Captain Jack Harkness.
Detective: So I've heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?
Jack: Would you rather me naked?
Detective: God help me. The stories are true.

Jack's my idol. Taking any situation and making it slightly dirty is a dying art form. I feel so alone.

Inside the house, there's been a gruesome double murder of a married couple. Swanson tells Torchwood there was also a similar murder yesterday. She hands Jack a folder containing photos of either a bloody crime scene or the last Manchester United game.

The couple's bedroom is a scene from a Manson Family reunion. "Torchwood" is written in blood on the wall above the bed where the bodies lay. Someone wants to get their attention. "They've got it," Jack says. A simple call to 1-800-Torchwood would've been so much easier.

Jack tells Detective Swanson she and her people can leave now. They're about to unpack their super-secret crime-fighting tools and the sheer awesomeness of their toys could blind mere mortals. Swanson is not only thoroughly unimpressed, she tells Jack nobody likes him and his friends because they act like they own the damn town. Yeah. Because we all know that as police, that's their schtick. Swanson blames Torchwood for the murders.

After Cardiff's Finest leave the room, Owen closes the door and the team begins working. Once again, Tosh is left on the outs; while everyone else is inside, she's in the car doing computer searches on the victims. And possibly updating her MySpace page, because, hey who's gonna know? By the way, her only friend is Tom.

But no. She's a professional, unlike people whom shall remain me. Toshiko finds a DNA match from the hair the killer left behind. Meanwhile Swanson's lab has their results from the first victim.

Not only is he experiencing male pattern baldness, Swanson says, reading from a folder, the killer is "Caucasian, male, early 40's, smoker, drinks tequila… doesn't match any profiles." Oh, really? That profile fits half the town. That profile is the town. Torchwood has its work cut out for them.

Looking over Swanson's file, Owen sees something alarming. The killer has "Retcon" in his system. Retcon is the secret ingredient in the Torchwood amnesia cocktail. Whoever this guy is, someone from Torchwood has had contact and did a mind-erase on him. Torchwood hypothesizes the overdose of amnesia roofies caused him to become psychopathic. That, or this guy has found a way to cope with having watched the first episode of Dante's Cove, Season 3.

Too much of a good thing — Back at the hub, Ianto reports that, to date, 2,008 citizens have been given Retcon (and/or seen Dante's Cove.) He knows this off the top of his head because well, he's amazing at his job. Not having a life helps.